Of one thing I am absolutely certain. Nobody will ever attempt a parody of what's customarily regarded as the worst Grateful Dead song of all-time. That ignominious distinction belongs to "France." Written during the peak of the 1978 disco wave. Most people assume that a song so lyrically atrocious and musically abysmal... could only have been written by Donna Godchaux. Not true. It was composed by the trio of Mickey Hart, Robert Hunter, and Bob Weir.
Regardless, I thought I'd give it a stab. So here's yet another tune about Ohio Republican Senate primary candidate J.D. Vance. If he pulls out the early victory, I'd strongly suggest refraining from singing this bastardized version at any political celebration.
Truth be told, I think Vance is gonna win the primary.
All of the other candidates are foolishly beholden to the Orange Prolapse, whose overall stock, is declining faster than downward facing dog.
- John Berman (Republican Party)
- Mike Gibbons (Republican Party)
- Michael Leipold (Republican Party)
- Josh Mandel (Republican Party)
- Bernie Moreno (Republican Party)
- Zachary Musick (Republican Party)
- Neil Patel (Republican Party)
- Mackenzie Thompson (Republican Party)
- Jane Timken (Republican Party)
So Vance is the only candidate occupying the "normalcy" lane. Percentage wise, I think this makes him the frontrunner in a low turn-out election. Plus, he's got a superior life story and a ton of cash on hand.
If you need a good chuckle, check out some of the endorsements. Wow! Senator Rand Paul from Kentucky is backing Mike Gibbons. But the former U.S. Ambassadors to Morocco and Liechtenstein are all-in for Bernie Moreno. Now that should turn some heads and galvanize support bigtime. F'in Liechtenstein!
Anecdotal, personal, tangential quip: I have a lifelong girlfriend (Hold the Thousand Island Dressing), who whenever she says me, somewhat condescendingly asks, "So Ricky, you working anywhere?" Next time I'm gonna reply... "Oh my god, you didn't hear? I'm the current Ambassador to Liechtenstein!"
Vance
sonofsaf
Don’t frown his name’s J.D. Vance ooh he’s got ants in his pants
The Orange Prolapse doesn’t care ‘cause he won’t give him a chance
He likes his steak medium rare brown or black the MAGA stare
Put the lotion all the while oh, in the basket of denial
They say that Trump has small hands and feet, Stormy Daniels on the beat
Fucked up in Mar-A-Lago they will give you jobs to blow
Let the Proud Boys go and fight have a coup d’etat that’s right
And the killing is a sign red as Klingon bloody wine
When Big Macs are the only meat and pink slime’s a special treat
Diet Coke for me and you gimme phenylalanine
But when you say can you see has such vigor not for me
Oh, Weisselberg’s in too deep with an extensive rap sheet
Don’t frown his name’s J.D. Vance ooh he’s got ants in his pants
The Orange Prolapse doesn’t care, yeah, his thick and balding hair
Don’t you breathe his colon waste maintain some generous space
Let the Proud Boys go and fight have a coup d’etat that’s right
And the killing is a sign red as Klingon bloody wine
His name’s J.D. Vance, ooh he’s got ants in his pants
France
Grateful Dead
Way down in the south of France all the ladies love to dance
Kick their heels up in the air snap their fingers for romance
While the gentlemen compare blonde or black or auburn hair
Check the motion and the style Oh, you know they take their while
Hey, to make the motion more complete, yeah, to make it more a treat
Club D'Jour is where to go come on down and see the show
When the rhythm's really right you can burn it down tonight
When the singing's really fine sweet as Spanish sherry wine
When the club can't contain the beat it just rolls out in the street
Spills on down the avenue bringing dancers to their feet.
When it's good as it can be it gets better wait and see
Oh, these folks don't ever sleep till they're passed out in the street
Way down in the south of France all the ladies love to dance
Clap their hands and walk on air, yeah, the feeling's really there
Won't you take a little taste raise it to your charming face?
When the rhythm's really right you can burn it down tonight
When the singing's really fine sweet as Spanish sherry wine
Go on take a chance, the ladies do love to dance
Grateful Dead:
04-08-89, Riverfront Coliseum, Cincinnati, OH
10-22-89, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
07-08-90, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA
09-07-90, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-08-90, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-18-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-20-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-21-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
06-09-91, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
06-14-91, RFK Stadium, Washington, D.C.
06-21-91, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
06-24-91, Sandstone Amphitheatre, Bonner Springs, KS
09-04-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-05-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-06-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-06-92, Rich Stadium, Orchard Park, NY
06-08-92, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-09-92, Richifeld Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-11-92, Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, NY
06-12-92, Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, NY
06-14-92, Giants Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
06-15-92, Giants Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
06-17-92, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
06-18-92, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
06-20-92, RFK Stadium, Washington, D.C.
06-22-92, Star Lake Amphiteatre, Burgettstown, PA
06-23-92, Star Lake Amphiteatre, Burgettstown, PA
06-25-92, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
06-26-92, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
07-01-92, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
03-14-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-17-93, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-18-93, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
06-11-93, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
06-18-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-21-93, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN
06-22-93, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN
09-09-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-10-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-20-94, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-21-94, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
07-29-94, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
03-17-95, The Spectrum, Philadelphia, PA
06-30-95, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA
07-02-95, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN
Bob Weir, 8-31-92, I.C. Light Amphitheatre, Pittsburgh, PA
Ratdog & Rusted Root, 8-12-01, Post Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA
The Other Ones, 11-29-02, Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, PA
The Dead, Bob Dylan, 8-6-03, Germain Amphitheater, Columbus, OH
Dead & Company, 6-28-17, Blossom Music Center, Cleveland, OH
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