#525. Robert E. Lee

Over the weekend, hundreds gathered in Charlottesville to witness the historic removal of statues of two Confederate Generals, Stonewall Jackson & Robert E. Lee. 

I've devised an alternative, all-encompassing solution to the "statue problem."  The answer isn't with the removal of statues.  Being hailed by the far right as cancel culture and revisionist history.  It also does not involve appealing to liberal outrage and their claims of conservatives attempting to cling to the vestiges of slavery.  It's more of a "toxic middle ground" option.  One that makes being in close proximity to all statues physically unpalatable.  Hint: the answer lies in everyone's natural bodily functions.  Spit, vomit, blood, urine, shit.  Think about it.  

 

Robert E. Lee
sonofsaf

Union had their slavery
Niggers in the South you see
Slave mastership had an allure
They said, ‘mother fucker’
Those fuckers said, cotton is key
All that money for you and me
The power of, son, is free will
Unless there’s power to kill, he said

If you deny, confederacy Robert E. Lee
If you deny, confederacy Robert E. Lee
Robert E. Lee

Torture’s good you see, Robert E. Lee

Have you heard of the big lie?
The critical race diatribe
You stop the steal and try to endure
Democrats all ‘round this world
The news is fake don’t miss a beat
They refuse to admit defeat, no
Another part of the big lie
Is go on tv and ask why, hey

If you deny, confederacy Robert E. Lee
If you deny, confederacy Robert E. Lee
Robert E. Lee

Not to obscure know what I mean
Stonewall Jackson makes them cream
Racism doesn’t bother me
As long as it’s discreetly
Biggest crime, goes undefeated
Juts what the Orange Prolapse needed
So roll the dice decide your fate
And make America, so great.  It says

If you deny, confederacy Robert E. Lee
If you deny, confederacy Robert E. Lee
Robert E. Lee

Torture’s good you see, General Lee
Torture’s good you see

 

Vitamin L.
B.E. Taylor Group

Went into the GNC
Told them what was wrong with me
I thought that they might have a cure
They said, 'see your doctor'
The doctor said, it's plain to see
You suffer a deficiency
The problem is, son, I can't fill
The prescription for your ill, he said

If you could buy, I'm sure they'd sell Vitamin L
If you could buy, I'm sure they'd sell Vitamin L
Vitamin L

It makes all things well, Vitamin L

Then proceeded to describe
This vitamin he can't prescribe
A chemical reaction occurs
Every time that boy meets girl
Its healing power's so complete
There is no drug that could compete, no
But we just can't seem to devise
Any way to synthesize it, say

If you could buy, I'm sure they'd sell Vitamin L
If you could buy, I'm sure they'd sell Vitamin L
Vitamin L

Has to occur in love like dreams
And now I know just what he means
All that had been bothering me
Has been cleared up completely
All this time, she's all I needed
What a great way to get treated
Take this advice and you'll feel great
Even if you're not sick, why wait? It says

If you could buy, I'm sure they'd sell Vitamin L
If you could buy, I'm sure they'd sell Vitamin L
Vitamin L

It makes all things well, Vitamin L
It makes all things well

Regrettably, B.E. Taylor died 5 years ago from an inoperable brain tumor in 2016.  He was 65 and a really nice guy.

General Robert E. Lee died from a stroke in 1870.  He was 63.  He owned 200+ human beings and was a primary facilitator of torture, rape, and murder.

Just for the record, this is my second parody of B.E. Taylor's smash hit Vitamin L.  Song #157 was about FBI Director Christopher Wray.

Please do not share this material with those who are easily triggered by the removal of statues, in particular, Confederate General losers.