#510. The Allen West Song

If you thought Senator Tim Scott (R-SC) was an Uncle Tom, well, let's just say there's this bruther named Allen West.  In the great state of Texas.

Allen West looks to "fist bump" the Orange Prolapse.  I don't know about you... but I really don't like the sound of that.

 

West actually served a single term as a Florida Congressman.  But got booted in the next go-round.  Too extreme.  So he picked up the fam and moved to Texas.  And now he just filed to run for governor!  Praise dog.  Yeahhhh boy!

But first, he'll have to primary the current Governor Greg Abbott who's about as far right as you can git.  This basically begs the question, exactly who is West trying to appeal to?  Answer:  He's a dark black dude trying to curry favor with a conflagration of Q-Anon adherents, Proud Boy followers, and misc. KKKers.  And oh yeah, the gun nuts.  And this begs the question, are there really enough Republican whack jobs in the state of Texas to actually get this disillusioned, self-hating imposter, anti-wigger oddball elected.  In a general election scenario, no way.  But in a Texas Republican primary?  Maybe.  

For instance, what if Trump and Abbott have a big falling out?  And what about when the Texas electric grid bit the dust?  Everyone froze their asses off.  People remember shit like that. 

I could envision a scenario where Actor Matthew McConaughay wins the Democratic primary and Allen West squeaks by Abbott.  Optics-wise, that'd make for an intriguing, high stakes governor's race.

 

The Allen West Song
sonofsaf

Fucked up world
That Texas drawl
He’s from Florida fool
With his carpetbagger shit.

Gonna feel defeat
Just you wait and see
Greg Abbott will bring him down
It’s just like TIMMY!  We all scream and shout

Allen West’s as brown as shit
On a toilet he will sit

All the dongs in his ass he will screw
Just another faggot fucking you
Uncle Tom piece of shit twat
But an Orange Prolapse he is not

Fucked up world
He acts Jewish
He wants boned, gambling con
With his carpetbagger shit

Disguised as poop
Admit that he’s shit
Take us back to Afghanistan
He’s no worse for wear and all the carpetbagger shit

Allen West’s as brown as shit
On a toilet he will sit

All the dongs in his ass he will screw
Just another faggot fucking you
Uncle Tom piece of shit twat
But an Orange Prolapse he is not

All the dongs in his ass he will screw
Just another faggot fucking you
Uncle Tom piece of shit twat
But an Orange Prolapse he is not

All the dongs in his ass he will screw
Just another faggot fucking you
Uncle Tom piece of shit twat
But an Orange Prolapse he is not

All the dongs in his ass he will screw
Just another faggot fucking you

All the dongs in his ass he will screw
Just another faggot fucking you
Uncle Tom piece of shit twat
Butt an Orange Prolapse he is not

 

The Acid Test Song
Laura Jane Grace & The Devouring Mothers

Catholic girl
From Montreal
She taught Heaven's school
And I was okay with it

Bullet in the street
Looks like luck to me
No doubt that we're tangled now
It's happened before, has yet to ever work out

Coming off a strip of hits
Be careful with that shit

All the songs that I could sing for you
Will never mean anything to you
Only heard what your name was
I never said where my faith was

Catholic girl
From Saint Louis
She talked stoned, rambling on
And I was okay with it

Franchised youth groups
Primitive Baptist
Double parked in the Vatican
You're leaving with her I think I'm not okay with it

Coming off a strip of hits
Be careful with that shit

All the songs that I could sing for you
Will never mean anything to you
Only heard what your name was
I never said where my faith was

All the songs that I could sing for you
Will never mean anything to you
Only heard what your name was
I never said where my faith was

All the songs that I could sing for you
Will never mean anything to you
Only heard what your name was
I never said where my faith was

All the songs that I could sing for you
Will never mean anything to you

All the songs that I could sing for you
Will never mean anything to you
Only heard what your name was
I never said where my faith was

Laura Grace Jones is the lead singer for the band Against Me.  Since 2002, they've played the Burgh a total of 16 times.  Mostly intimate club shows.  Never seen 'em.

Laura Grace Jones was born Thomas James Gabel.  I'll cut straight to the chase.  She's trans.

I've always thought the word "thee" would make a fairly decent pronoun when referring to someone who's transgendered.  First off, it's readily substitutable and rhymes with both "he" and "she."  Plus, it carries with it an established sense of dignity and formality.  At the same, it's deliberately "just vague enough" so as to be inclusive, yet not offensive.  It sounds a little weird at first, but hey, so do words like google, jism, Trump, etc.  After a while, you just get used to it... and in some cases, sickened by it (Trump, not trans).

Please do not share this material with Texas gubernatorial candidate Allen West (R-TX) and/or Laura Grace Jones.