#768. Kidnapped in Haiti

Seventeen missionaries were kidnapped in Haiti over the weekend.  The perpetrators want a ransom of 17 million.  One million for each of the abducted.  Sound like a lot of thought went into that one.  Hey, maybe the Orange Prolapse will get involved.  Claiming that he wants to negotiate a deal and get them all back safe and sound... but the Biden administration and the Secret Service are running interference.  

Maybe make campaign signs or something.

TRUMP LOVES HATE...

E!

 

I could see that happening.   

Christian Aid Ministries, founded as a non-profit in 1981, aims to "glorify God and help enlarge His kingdom."  Volunteers help deliver holy bibles to crisis victims in the U.S. and abroad.  

Yeah, I get it.  You'd think all that unrelenting bible distribution, coupled with the word of Dog shit, would've helped. 

 

 

 

Kidnapped in Haiti
sonofsaf

Hey, we’ll convert you
Christians aren’t lazy
But now there’s trouble
Kidnapped in Haiti

Because we’re all white
Missionaries
But now there’s trouble
Kidnapped in Haiti

Hey, we’ll convert you
Christians aren’t lazy
But now there’s trouble
Kidnapped in Haiti

And the gang bangin’ noise
Fuck and rape me
But now there’s trouble
Kidnapped in Haiti

 

Call Me Maybe
Carly Rae Jepson

Hey, I just met you
And this is crazy
But here's my number
So call me, maybe?

It's hard to look right
At you baby
But here's my number
So call me, maybe?

Hey, I just met you
And this is crazy
But here's my number
So call me, maybe?

And all the other boys
Try to chase me
But here's my number
So call me, maybe?

Yeah, I know.  Only the refrain.  This song's a parody headache.  Jepson just won't shut the fuck up.  

The closest I've been to Haiti is probably Bermuda.  When I was maybe 6 years old.  All I really remember was this maniacal cab driver who was all over the road.  We thought he was gonna surely get us killed on the way back to the hotel.

Come to think of it, Miami, Florida and Bogota, Columbia are probably closer to Haiti than Bermuda.  Been there, done that.  Though rest assured, I'm not an international drug courier.  Merely a weird coincidence.

Singer Carly Rae Jepson has never played live in Pittsburgh.  Doesn't tour much.  Go figure.  You'd think at some point she would have at least opened for Tiffany at Ross Park Mall or maybe the Red Lobster lobby on McKnight.  Regardless, I prefer the haunted vocal stylings of Eric Rae Jepson from 7 Fatal Guns.

Please do not share this material with any of the missionaries who are being held captive in Haiti.