Saturday, October 23, 2021

#780. Brian Laundrie

Kinda surprised Trump hasn't weighed in on the Gabby Petito murder.

 

"Laundry chocked Gabby to DEATH!  Our Thoughts and Prayers are with the Petito family during this difficult time.  LAW & ORDER!


Who among us doesn't miss the good 'ol twitter days from 2015-2016?  When the Orange Prolapse actually penned his own material.  Every once in a while you'd get a twofer.



Brian Laundrie
sonofsaf

He strangled Gabby you cannot excuse
Fled like a chicken
Had nothin’ to lose
All the people will accuse
We hate Brian Laundrie

But was he the only factor
They searched far and near
His bones were in the woods
Along with cans of beer
What if he was fucking queer
We hate Brian Laundrie

Donald Trump’s fucked up
Donald Trump’s a clown
Donald Trump’s fucked up
Donald Trump’s a clown

Donald Trump’s fucked up
Donald Trump’s a clown
Donald Trump’s fucked up
Use the ground and pound

We got the Orange Prolpasin’
Douchebag
Who’s still alive
He’s got a case of diaper rash
Melania she cries
Keep on weaponizing big lies
We hate Brian Laundrie

Mar-A-Lago constipation
A golden toilet
It's the noise of gloom and doom
Trump’s further in debt
Just make sure you don’t forget
We hate Brian Laundrie

It’s like a physical knockout
Strangu-lation
The coughing is a show
And it ain’t much fun
Call you out because I’m done
Fucking Brian Laundrie

Donald Trump’s fucked up
Donald Trump’s a clown
Donald Trump’s fucked up
Donald Trump’s a clown

Donald Trump’s fucked up
Donald Trump’s a clown
Smoke another spliff
Use the ground and pound

(Donald Trump’s fucked up)
(Donald Trump’s a clown)
(Donald Trump’s fucked up)
(Donald Trump’s a clown)

(Donald Trump’s fucked up)
(Donald Trump’s a clown)
(Smoke another spliff)
(Use the ground and pound)

Donald Trump is meatless
Donald Trump wants fries
A winner winner chicken dinner
Don’t get shit stains on that tie
Trump hates to eat between the thighs
We hate Brian Laundrie

He liked to play Nintendo
A Donkey Kong king
Trips out west are fun
He never gave her a ring
Shalt not murder was the thing
We hate Brian Laundrie


Dirty Laundry
Don Henley

I make my living off the evening news
Just give me something
Something I can use
People love it when you lose
They love dirty laundry

Well, I coulda been an actor
But I wound up here
I just have to look good
I don't have to be clear
Come and whisper in my ear
Give us dirty laundry

Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down

Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em all around

We got the bubble headed
Bleached blonde
Comes on at five
She can tell you 'bout the plane crash
With a gleam in her eye
It's interesting when people die
Give us dirty laundry

Can we film the operation
Is the head dead yet
You know the boys in the newsroom
Got a running bet
Get the widow on the set
We need dirty laundry

You don't really need to find out
What's going on
You don't really want to know
Just how far it's gone
Just leave well enough alone
Eat your dirty laundry

Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down

Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're stiff
Kick 'em all around

(Kick 'em when they're up)
(Kick 'em when they're down)
(Kick 'em when they're up)
(Kick 'em when they're down)

(Kick 'em when they're up)
(Kick 'em when they're down)
(Kick 'em when they're stiff)
(Kick 'em all around)

Dirty little secrets
Dirty little lies
We got our dirty little fingers
In everybody's pie
We love to cut you down to size
We love dirty laundry

We can do the innuendo
We can dance and sing
When it's said and done
We haven't told you a thing
We all know that crap is king
Give us dirty laundry 






Don Henley:

8-15-94, Star Lake Amphitheater, Burgettstown, PA (with the Eagles)

This is my second parody of Dirty Laundry.  The first one was a tribute to Cleveland Browns receiver Jarvis Landry.

Also, I once witnessed a legit "Deadhead sticker on a Cadillac" while driving from Wheeling to Cleveland on I-77 near the Zoar/Bolivar exit.  Just as I heard the lyrics on radio, this El Dorado dude with a Stealie zoomed be my in the fast lane.  It was both coincidental and existential.

Please do not share this information with the families of Brian Laundie and/or Gabby Petito.

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