#2117. Kari Lake Will Fart

I sometimes talk to this one Jehovah's Witness dahntahn (Market Square).  It's a nice change of pace when people don't talk exclusively about the Lord.  Him and his wife are very conversational about a wide array of topics.  Anyhoo, for the last year or so, I've been trying to convince the JW's to participate in the Democratic process.  I figure it's in their best interest to actually vote.  You know... the whole freedom of speech bit.  Long story short, I jotted down this quickie limerick today.

I once met a Jehovah's Witness

But he questioned my mental fitness

I told him to vote

He responded with nope

And told me to mind my own business.

So I gave him my late father's recipe for Caesar salad.  He assured me that he's gonna make it this weekend for a large family gathering.  

Technically speaking, the recipe's a family secret.  But hey, what the hell...

I'm gonna make it tonight.  Maybe even write my own Caesar salad poem.  

In retrospect, it's long overdue.

Please forgive the personal tangent.  I just didn't feel like writing another blurb about Arizona U.S. Senate candidate Kari Lake.

The "Maricopa Cunt" sometimes go sleeveless.  So do me a favor.  Any of you photoshoppers out there, feel free to add the requisite armpit hair and repost accordingly.

 

Preferably using the shade of black bean.

 

Kari Lake Will Fart
sonofsaf

All those flags unfurled ‘cause Trumpers own the world
Heaven only knows they ain’t that strong
The intel ain’t pretend his seven deadly sins
The Donald’s all woke up without a bone

Trump is causing harm McNugget alarm
His Orange Prolapse meat’s inflamed and sore
But he don’t give a shit unless it’s Stormy’s tits
There ain’t no fuckin’ doubt he is softcore

Her asshole will part and Kari Lake will fart
A coup d’etat’s the fuckin’ plan
McDonald’s a la carte and Kari Lake will fart
Trump’s so fucked up butt she’s a fan

Please do not guffaw Khashoggi that bone saw
Jared Kushner’s hog’s kosher instead
It’s time to smell and sniff, the shit below his hips
I really think that Donald Trump is gay

Stormy’s on her knees her titties double D’s
Motorboating shows are on the way
‘Cause Trump will spread big lies why is he so unkind
A mother fuckin’ douchebag on display

Her asshole will part and Kari Lake will fart
A coup d’etat’s the fuckin’ plan
McDonald’s a la carte and Kari Lake will fart
Trump’s so fucked up butt she’s a fan

Her asshole will part and Kari Lake will fart…
A coup d’etat’s the fuckin’ plan
McDonald’s a la carte and Kari Lake will fart
Trump’s so fucked up butt she’s a fan

Her asshole will part and Kari Lake will fart…
A coup d’etat’s the fuckin’ plan
McDonald’s a la carte and Kari Lake will fart
Trump’s so fucked up butt she’s a fan

 

Achy Breaky Heart
Billy Ray Cyrus

You can tell the world you never was my girl
You can burn my clothes when I'm gone
Or you can tell your friends just what a fool I've been
And laugh and joke about me on the phone

You can tell my arms go back to the farm
You can tell my feet to hit the floor
Or you can tell my lips to tell my fingertips
They won't be reaching out for you no more

But don't tell my heart my achy breaky heart
I just don't think it'd understand
And if you tell my heart my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man

You can tell your ma I moved to Arkansas
You can tell your dog to bite my leg
Or tell your brother Cliff, whose fist can tear my lip
He never really liked me anyway

Or tell your Aunt Louise tell anything you please
Myself already knows I'm not okay
Or you can tell my eyes to watch out for my mind
It might be walking out on me today

But don't tell my heart my achy breaky heart
I just don't think he'd understand
And if you tell my heart my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man

Don't tell my heart my achy breaky heart...
I just don't think he'd understand
And if you tell my heart my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man

Don't tell my heart my achy breaky heart...
I just don't think he'd understand
And if you tell my heart my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man

From 1993 to 2005, Billy Ray Cyrus played the Burgh a surprising total of 6 times.  Never saw him.  However, I did live through the '92 achy breaky summer dance craze.  A critical moment in the evolution of pop country music.  At the time, I eschewed all that zaniness and opted to follow the Grateful Dead.  In retrospect a wise choice.

The Big Lie 100: (#1272)

#1938.  Amanda Chase (Leather and Lace --- Stevie Nicks)

#1939.  Wagner Group (Chicken Soup --- Skrillex)

#1940.  Wagner Group (Chicken Soup --- Saint Etienne)

#1941.  Donald Trump Is Not A King (Money Changes Everything --- Cyndi Lauper)

#1942.  Will Hurd (Songbird --- Fleetwood Mac)

#1943.  Trump Is Gay (Trip Away --- Jane's Addiction)

#1944.  Transgender (Surrender --- Natalie Taylor)

#1945.  Robert Bowers (After Hours --- Boz Scaggs)

#1946.  Transgender (Surrender --- Cheap Trick)

#1947.  Mercenary (Virgin Mary --- Joan Baez)

#1948.  Bacon's Fucking You (Breaking Us In Two --- Joe Jackson)

#1949.  Donald Ain't White (Feelin' Alright --- Joe Cocker)

#1950.  Trump's A Cunt (Born To Run --- Bruce Springsteen)

#1951.  Orange Prolapse Fart (Call To Your Heart --- Giuffria)

#1952.  Robert Bowers (Kilburn Towers --- Bee Gees)

#1953.  Is An Asshole (Antisocial --- Anthrax)

#1954.  Walt Nauta (Saltwater --- Julian Lennon)

#1955.  Gay Donald (Hey Stoopid --- Alice Cooper)

#1956.  Luna (Tuna --- Hooverphonic)

#1957.  Sick Bowers (Six Hours --- Alice Cooper)

#1958.  A Border (No Quarter --- Led Zeppelin)

#1959.  Cocaine (The Chain --- Fleetwood Mac)

#1960.  Steven Daines (Country Lanes --- Bee Gees)

#1961.  Greene Is Outta Line (Teenage Frankenstein --- Alice Cooper)

#1962.  Nauta Fucks You (Gotta Jibboo --- Phish)

#1963.  Greene Can't Be Trusted (Mean Mister Mustard --- The Beatles)

#1964.  Kash (Trash --- Silverchair)

#1965.  Sam Brown (Breakdown --- Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers)

#1966.  The Jesse Law Acrimony (The Oh Kee Pa Ceremony --- Phish)

#1967.  I Hate Sam Brown (I Won't Back Down --- Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers)

#1968.  Aileen Cannon (Feast or Famine --- Seether)

#1969.  Tommy (Shit) (Eminem --- Mommy (Skit)

#1970.  I Saw Tommy Fisting Donald Trump (I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus --- Twisted Sister)

#1971.  Tommy, Can A Nationalist Be White (Mommy, Can I Go Out And Kill Tonight --- The Misfits)

#1972.  Taylor Greene's Gay (In Between Days --- The Cure)

#1973.  Just Like Kevin (Just Like Heaven --- The Cure)

#1974.  Eli Crane (Crazy Train --- Ozzy Osbourne)

#1975.  Crane (Rain --- Rusted Root)

#1976.  Eli Crane (Purple Rain --- Prince)

#1977.  Taylor Greene (Gasoline --- Audioslave)

#1978.  Nauta And The Treason (Gotta Have A Reason --- Bon Jovi)

#1979.  His Ass Is Why: A Fist For DeSantis (As Time Goes By: A Kiss Is Just A Kiss --- Willie Nelson & Julio Eglesias)

#1980.  Roy's A Fanatic (Toys In The Attic --- Aerosmith)

#1981.  Two Thousand Mules (Nobody's Fool --- Cinderella)

#1982.  Taylor Greene (Gasoline --- Trampled By Turtles)

#1983.  Clown (Down --- Pearl Jam)

#1984.  Taylor Greene (Mean Machine --- Motorhead)

#1985.  Tom Fitton, Big Lie (Once Bitten, Twice Shy --- Great White)

#1986.  Chip Roy's A Fucking Clown (The Toys Go Winding Down --- Primus)

#1987.  Cannon (Famine --- Death Angel)

#1988.  Greene (Jean --- David Hasselhoff)

#1989.  Jim Justice (Street Justice --- Cro-Mags)

#1990.  Ayotte (Slipknot --- Grateful Dead)

#1991.  Hawley (Polly --- Nirvana)

#1992.  Proud Boys Love Trump The Clown (The Boys Are Back In Town --- Thin Lizzy)

#1993.  Cornyn (Outshined --- Soundgarden)

#1994.  Mittens Romney (Hot Pastrami --- The Ronettes)

#1995.  Meet John Cornyn (Sweet Caroline --- James Taylor)

#1996.  John Cornyn (Red, Red Wine --- Neil Diamond)

#1997.  Timothy Shea (Come Out And Play --- The Offspring)

#1998.  Shithead Fred Keller (Rats In The Cellar --- Aerosmith)

#1999.  Timothy Shea (Games People Play --- Alan Parsons Project)

#2000.  Trump's A Fuckin' Orange Clown (Try That In A Small Town --- Jason Aldean)

#2001.  Aldean (Machine --- Black Flag)

#2002.  Aldean (Machine --- Violent Femmes)

#2003.  Chris Sununu (Out Of The Blue --- Alan Parsons Project)

#2004.  Aldean Cunt (Machine Gun --- The Commodores)

#2005.  Vance Is White And Gay (Dance The Night Away --- Van Halen)

#2006.  Huckabee (Suddenly --- Billy Ocean)

#2007.  He's Braun (He's Gone --- Grateful Dead)

 

#2008.  Bishop Probes (Bishop's Robes --- Radiohead)

#2009.  Vance, Vance, Vance (Dance, Dance, Dance --- Neil Young)

#2010.  Donald's Arraignment (That's Entertainment --- Aretha Franklin)

#2011.  Taylor Greene (Hey Nineteen --- Steely Dan)

#2012.  An Asshole No Doubt (The Sun Will Come Out --- Little Orphan Annie)

#2013.  Hillbilly J.D. Vance (Victim of Circumstance --- Santana)

#2014.  Dolan (Stolen --- The Brian Jonestown Massacre)

#2015.  Jim Justice (Blind Justice --- Agnostic Front)

#2016.  My God's Donald Trump (My God Is The Sun --- Queens Of The Stone Age)

#2017.  Robert T. Bigelow (Moving In Stereo --- The Cars)

#2018.  Joshua Sills (Beverly Hills --- Weezer)

#2019.  Pritt Is An Orange Prolapse Fart (Quit Playin' Games With My Heart --- Backstreet Boys)

#2020.  Pudding Fingers (Crazy Fingers --- Grateful Dead) 

#2021.  Deace (Peace --- Judas Priest)

#2022.  Joshua Stills (Beverly Hills --- Circle Jerks)

#2023.  Deace (Peace -- Weezer)

#2024.  Donald's Arraignment (That's Entertainment --- Powerman 5000)

#2025.  Scott Brown (Breakdown --- Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers)

#2026.  Trevian Kutti (Heavy Duty --- Judas Priest)

#2027.  Donald's Arraignment (That's Entertainment --- Rancid)

#2028.  CUM (Dumb --- Nirvana)

 

#2029.  Clark (Sparks --- Coldplay)

 

#2030.  DOJ Jeffrey Clark (Saturday In The Park --- Chicago)

 

#2031.  Deace (Grease --- Bee Gees)

 

#2032.  Abigail Jo Shry (No Woman, No Cry --- Bob Marley & The Wailers)

 

#2033.  Abigail (Abigail --- King Diamond)

 

#2034.  Nauta's Really Gay (Gotta Get Away --- The Offspring)

 

#2035.  Owens (Oceans --- Pearl Jam)

 

#2036.  Jew!  (Who? --- Brian Jonestown Massacre)

 

#2037.  Shawn Still's A Creep (Until It Sleeps --- Metallica)

 

#2038.  Findling (Kindling --- Harry Brokensha & Nick Wilson)

 

#2039.  Doug Burgum (Bang The Drum --- Lindsey Buckingham)

 

#2040.  Puddin' Stain (Puddin' Taine --- Primus)

 

#2041.  Harrison Floyd (Into The Void --- Kiss)

 

#2042.  Sam Brown (Breakdown --- Moby)

 

#2043.  Sadow (Meatplow --- Stone Temple Pilots)

 

#2044.  Lawfare (I Swear --- All 4 One)

 

#2045.  Reddy Really Blows (Steady, As She Goes --- The Raconteurs)

 

#2046.  Stormy's Chest (Phone Went West --- My Morning Jacket)

 

#2047.  Lake's A Dummy And Cunt (Take The Money And Run --- Steve Miller)

 

#2048.  Lake's A Liar (Lake Of Fire --- Nirvana)

 

#2049.  Assclown (Lowdown --- My Morning Jacket)

 

#2050.  Fuck Forty-Five (Love Is Alive --- Gary Wright)

 

#2051.  Lake Will Fuck You (Take Me With You --- Prince)

 

#2052.  Stephen Lee (Let It Be --- The Beatles)

 

#2053.  Pezzola's Bad News (Viola Lee Blues --- Grateful Dead)

 

#2054.  Crow (Snow --- The Chemical Brothers)

 

#2055.  Blow Chesebro (Go With the Flow --- Queens Of The Stone Age)

 

#2056.  Brandon Judd (Book Of Blood --- Armored Saint)

 

#2057.  David Cole (Rock And Roll --- Led Zeppelin)

 

#2058.  David Cole (Heart And Soul --- Huey Lewis & The News)

 

#2059.  Senator Cruz (Second Hand News --- Fleetwood Mac)

 

#2060.  Elon (He's Gone --- Grateful Dead)

 

#2061.  I Guess That's Why They Call Him Ted Cruz (I Guess That's Why They Call Him Ted Cruz --- Elton John)

 

#2062.  Kari Lake (Crater Lake --- Liz Phair)

#2063.  Rehl (Deal --- Grateful Dead)

#2064.  Navarro (I Don't Know --- Ozzy Osbourne)

#2065.  Navarro (Touch And Go --- The Cars)

#2066.  Noem (Roam --- The B-52's)

#2067.  Charles Roy (Corduroy --- Pearl Jam)

#2068.  Shutdown (Breakdown --- Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers)

#2069.  Rectum of J.D. Vance (Victim of Circumstance --- Carole King)

 

#2070.  Kim Jong Un (Harvest Moon --- Neil Young)

 

#2071.  Un (Soon --- My Bloody Valentine)

 

#2072.  Harlan Crow (Let It Snow --- Billy Idol)

 

#2073.  Crow (Low --- Cracker)

 

#2074.  Trump Dump's A Piece Of Shit (Trump Won And You Know It --- Natasha Owens)

 

#2075.  Trump Farts (Doll Parts --- Hole)

 

#2076.  Tuberville (Looks That Kill --- Motley Crue)

 

#2077.  Trump Was Born To Fuck You (I Was Born To Love You --- Ray LaMontagne)

 

#2078.  Harrison Floyd (Nine Inch Nails --- Into The Void)

 

#2079.  Ted Cruz (Bad News --- Johnny Cash)

 

#2080.  Rand Paul (Snowball --- Jimmy Fallon)

 

#2081.  Ray Epps (Footsteps --- Pearl Jam)

 

#2082.  Crow (Low --- Coldplay)

 

#2083.  Donald Is Gay (Those Were The Days --- All In The Family theme song)

 

#2084.  Bill Cassidy (Butch Cassidy --- My Morning Jacket)

 

#2085.  Birdbrain (Cocaine --- Eric Clapton)

 

#2086.  McDonald's Meals (Head Over Heels --- The Go-Go's)

 

#2087.  Birdbrain (Red Rain --- Peter Gabriel)

 

#2088.  Birdbrain (Love Train --- Rolling Stones)

 

#2089.  Nikki Haley's A Birdbrain (Have You Ever Seen The Rain --- CCR/John Fogerty)

 

#2090.  Donald Duck (Disco Duck --- Rick Dees And His Cast Of Idiots)

 

#2091.  Birdbrain (Sweet Jane --- The Velvet Underground)

 

#2092.  Birdbrain (Queen Jane ---Grateful Dead)

 

#2093.  Donald Duck (What The Fuck --- The Boxer Rebellion)

 

#2094.  Donald Duck (Police Truck --- Megadeth) 

 

#2095.  Kise Team (Nice Dream --- Radiohead)

 

#2096.  James Craig (Bootleg --- John Fogerty)

 

#2097.  Donald Bender (Hey Big Spender --- Queen)

 

#2098.  Greene Lies (Green Eyes --- Husker Du)

 

#2099.  Chris Kise (Love Bites --- Judas Priest)

 

#2100.  Those Greene Lies (Those Green Eyes --- Avett Brothers)

 

#2102.  Jim (Gym --- Adam Sandler)

 

#2103.  Habba Will Fuck Ya (Havah Nagilah --- Neil Diamond)

 

#2104.  Jim Jordan (The Warden --- Old Crow Medicine Show)

 

#2105.  Stephen Scalise (Karma Police --- Radiohead)

 

#2106.  Fucked Up Hamas (Upon The Cross --- King Diamond)

 

#2107.  Ron DeSantis (Reminiscing --- Little River Band)

 

#2108.  Lake Will Screw (Open Your Ass Wide) (Break On Through To The Other Side --- The Doors)

 

#2109.  Lake's My Enemy (Cake And Sodomy --- Marilyn Manson)

 

#2110.  A Coup D'Etat's The Plan (I Want To Hold Your Hand --- The Beatles)

 

#2111.  Goodbye Hamas (Deny The Cross --- Overkill)

 

#2112.  Steve Scalise (Piece By Piece --- Slayer)

 

#2113.  Kari Lake Is Gay (God Will Make A Way --- Don Moen)

 

#2114.  Jeff McConney Sinner (Reality Winner --- Son Volt)

 

#2115.  Kari Lake's Gonna Fart (Don't Go Breaking My Heart --- Elton John)

 

#2116.  Lake Is Full Of Bullshit (Take It To The Limit --- The Eagles)

 

#2117.  Kari Lake Will Fart (Achy Breaky Heart --- Billy Ray Cyrus)

 

Please do not share this material with Kari Lake and/or former President Donald J. Trump.