#54. Mister Peduto

State Representative Ed Gainey (D-PA) and I have something in common.  We’re both 50.  And that’s probably about it.

However, we do share a vested interest in politics.  Anyway, he’s running against Bill Peduto in the mayoral primary.  The vote is set for May 18, 2021.  Could be a nail biter.  I expect he’ll fare vastly better than Peduto’s last major challenger, Darlene Harris.  Not to sound critical, but Darlene kinda had this “deliriously confused, bewilderment” thing goin’ on.  Gainey has a much more “confident, deliberately focused” thing goin’ on.

Truth be told, I’m a fan of Peduto.  But I reside just barely outside the city limits.  So I'm ineligible to vote in the primary.  However, if I could… I’d probably pull the lever, er uh, fill in the oval for Gainey.

 

(before and after)

Dedicated to Pittsburgh Mayor Bill Peduto.  Even though nothing ever came of it, thanks for listening to my stampede crap.  Come to think of it, I pestered Gainey as well.  Then again, who among us doesn't enjoy discussing asymmetric cyber-terrorism and hypothetical black swan scenarios that would irrevocably alter the trajectory of mankind?

Mister Peduto
sonofsaf

Open up our city Mister Peduto
Open up our city Mister Peduto
Ahi tuna needs weighed
Open up our city Mister Peduto
Running Dick’s Marathon

You're wondering who I am (Pittsburgh, Pittsburgh, I live in Pittsburgh)
Penguin or Pirates fan (Nutting, Nutting, I’m not Bob Nutting)
We fart on the West End (asshole asshole I've got an asshole)
Incline Mt. Warshington (pronounced warsh-ing-tan)

I've got some boob sweat, I’m perspiring, under my teats  
My heart is yinzer, my blood is jag-off, I’m UPMC
So if you hear me talking vaguely, you will surmise
I'm just a man, who never married, lives near Morningside
But I will survive, I won’t take a dive
In you I’ll confide, to keep me alive

I'm not a crock pot, filled with kielbasa, and some perogis (pronounced per-oh!-hees!)
I’m cumming at you, straight down your throat, the semen's from me
I'm not a zero, I ain’t that kosher, you’ll reap what you sow
I'm just a man, whose yinzeritis, went beyond his control  
I’m not a troll, it’s just how I roll
I have no soul, it’s just how I roll

I have a major plan (Pittsburgh Pittsburgh right here in Pittsburgh)
As long as you don’t ask (secret secret I have a secret)
In port-a-jon I wee (pee pee pee pee I gotta pee pee)
My stream urinary

Open up our city, Mister Peduto, open, open
Open up our city, Mister Peduto, open, open
Open up our city, Mister Peduto
Open up our city, Mister Peduto
Open up our city, Mister Peduto
Open up our city, Mister Peduto

Thank you very much, Mister Peduto
Undercover boss, nobody knew you
And thank you very much, Mister Peduto
For fucking everyone with a monster dildo
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
I want to fuck you, please, fuck you, oh yeah

The Nutting that I hate, no need to obfuscate
Pirates they irritate, Pirates must masturbate

The cum has come at last (penis penis I've got a penis)
You should have never asked (secret secret I have a secret)
The time has cum for me (jag-off jag-off I’m gonna jack off)
And my machinery!
We’ll kill yinz!  Kill yinz!  Kill yinz!  Kill yinz!

 

Mr. Roboto
Styx

Domo arigato misuta Robotto
Domo arigato misuta Robotto
Mata au hi made
Domo arigato misuta Robotto
Himitsu wo shiritai

You're wondering who I am (secret secret I've got a secret)
Machine or mannequin (secret secret I've got a secret)
With parts made in Japan (secret secret I've got a secret)
I am the modern man

I've got a secret I've been hiding under my skin
My heart is human, my blood is boiling, my brain I.B.M.
So if you see me acting strangely, don't be surprised
I'm just a man who needed someone, and somewhere to hide
To keep me alive, just keep me alive
Somewhere to hide to keep me alive

I'm not a robot without emotions, I'm not what you see
I've come to help you with your problems, so we can be free
I'm not a hero, I'm not a savior, forget what you know
I'm just a man whose circumstances went beyond his control
Beyond my control, we all need control
I need control, we all need control

I am the modern man (secret secret I've got a secret)
Who hides behind a mask (secret secret I've got a secret)
So no one else can see (secret secret I've got a secret)
My true identity

Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, domo, domo
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, domo, domo
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto

Thank you very much, Mr. Roboto
For doing the jobs nobody wants to
And thank you very much, Mr. Roboto
For helping me escape to where I needed to
Thank you, thank you, thank you
I want to thank you, please, thank you, oh yeah

The problem's plain to see, too much technology
Machines to save our lives, machines dehumanize

The time has come at last (secret secret I've got a secret)
To throw away this mask (secret secret I've got a secret)
Now everyone can see (secret secret I've got a secret)
My true identity
I'm Kilroy! Kilroy! Kilroy! Kilroy!

Styx Concerts:

2-19-04, Capitol Music Hall, Wheeling, WV

8-22-08, Consol Energy Park, Washington, PA (listened outside in the parking lot w/ Becky & Jake)

7-5-09, Wheeling Island Stadium, Wheeling, WV

5-8-15, Stage AE, Pittsburgh, PA

10-2-16, (national anthem) Heinz Field, Steelers vs. Chiefs, Pittsburgh, PA

7-14-18 KeyBank Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

Please do not share this information with State Representative Ed Gainey, Pittsburgh Mayor Bill Peduto, Styx enthusiasts, UPMC employees, kielbasa and pierogi lovers, and/or Pittsburgh Pirates Owner Bob Nutting.