#4. I Hate Ted Cruz

Remember when Ted Cruz’s female doppelgänger showed up on a paternity test episode?  

Well, it was the year after I moved from West Virginia to Pennsylvania (2016).  So I did the right thing.  I picked up my telephone and called Sen. Pat Toomey’s downtown Pixburgh office on Grant St.  And demand that he raise my concerns on the floor of the United States Senate.  It was my contention that Ted Cruz should physically cum on Maury Povich.  I wanted to see Ted Cruz ejaculate all over Maury’s face.  At the time, I didn't think it was asking too much.  

Of lesser importance, I also thought Ted Cruz should physically come on the show and take a paternity test.  You know, for this woman who was obviously his long lost daughter.  Someone for whom he negligently abandoned.  Someone for whom he never paid child support.  I mean, the visual evidence is incontrovertible.  And I just don’t think that the daughter of a sitting U.S. Senator should be required to face the indignity of dealing with a Maury paternity test all by her lonesome.  Once again, it’s not asking too much.  Is it?  Hey, it's the only way we can git to the truth.

Dedicated to the Spanish Potato farmer who resembles the Orange Prolapse.

I Hate Ted Cruz  
sonofsaf

He’s a mother
He’s a fucker
One big ‘ol cocksucker
He likes power
He’s from Texas
Wearin’ a pearly necklace
And the voters gonna make up their minds and choose
Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, I hate Ted Cruz

He’s a shithead
He’s a scumbag
Ugly toilet tool and douchebag
And he’s a faggot
And a dago
Juggalo drinkin’ Faygo
And the citizens think there’s nothin’ left to lose
Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, I hate Ted Cruz

I hate Ted Cruz
Such a pantywaist
Just actin’ like a porn whore
With a cum pile on his face
Ain’t paid his dues
Has fucked up views
Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, I hate Ted Cruz

He’s a shit show
He’s a train wreck
Big ass spender writes blank checks
But he’s a lover
Incest fucker
He’s even a whiny bitchin’ bloodsucker
And he makes you feel so sick when he tries to schmooze
Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, I hate Ted Cruz
(Yes I do)

He is a fuck
He is a fuck
Hate him ’til the bitter end
Hate him ’til the bitter end
I hate him when he is the winner
We hate him every now and then

But I hate Ted Cruz
Such a pantywaist
Still actin’ like a dirty whore
With a cum pile on his face
He hates the Jews
Turn off Fox News
Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, I hate Ted Cruz
Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, I hate ‘ol Ted Cruz

I Love This Bar  
Toby Keith

We got winners
We got losers
Chain smokers and boozers
We got yuppies
We got bikers
We got thirsty hitchhikers
And the girls next door dress up like movie stars
Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, I love this bar

We got cowboys
We got truckers
Broken-hearted fools and suckers
And we got hustlers
We got fighters
Early-birds and all-nighters
And the veterans talk about their battle scars
Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, I love this bar

I love this bar
It's my kind of place
Just walkin' through the front door
Puts a big smile on my face
It ain't too far
Come as you are
Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, I love this bar

I've seen short skirts
We've got high-techs
Blue-collared boys and rednecks
And we got lovers
Lots of lookers
I've even seen dancing girls and hookers
And we like to drink our beer from a mason jar
Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, I love this bar
(Yes I do)

I like my truck
I like my truck
And I like my girlfriend
I like my girlfriend
I like to take her out to dinner
I like a movie now and then

But I love this bar
It's my kind of place
Just toein' around the dance floor
Puts a big smile on my face
No cover charge
Come as you are
Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, I love this bar
Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, I love this old bar

 

Toby Keith Concerts:

9-26-03, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

8-26-06, Post Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

8-18-07, Post Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

Do not share this information with Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX), Senator Pat Toomey (R-PA), President Donald Trump, and/or country music sensation Toby Keith.