Saturday, January 09, 2021

#9. Rudy The Paint-Faced Dumbshit

About an hour before the Capitol riots, which left five individuals dead and scores injured, Rudy Giuliani made an impassioned plea for "combat by trial."  Needless to say, the crowd of ravenous Trumpers absorbed it hook, line and sinker.  Giuliani's likely unaware of this but that's actually a term outta the Middle Ages.  In a nutshell, whenever there was an irresolvable legal dispute between two parties, you just let the two of 'em duke it out.  The winner is simply the last man standing.  The loser... permanently disabled or killed.

Long story short, I doubt there will be any more Giuliani television appearances.  At least for the foreseeable future.  The optics just wouldn't be too good if someone in the media asked him for his thoughts on the Capitol Hill police officer who spent two days in a coma and later died as a result of blunt head force trauma.  After being repeatedly pummeled to death with a fire extinguisher. 

Flashback: a little over a month ago, the American public witnessed a defiant Rudy Giuliani step up to the podium and deliver an impassioned speech about fictitious voter fraud in the 2020 election.  But during the presentation, he began to sweat profusely.  The rest was history.      


Consensus opinion appeared to indicate that the streaks running down both sides of Rudy Giuliani's face were not a naturally occurring phenomenon.  It was either "hair dye" or some kind of mascara, touch up derivative.  Uh, WRONG! 


May I suggest an alternative theory emanating from the far left echo chamber?  One that originally surfaced in the liberal rag Huffington Post.

Just before Giuliani assumed his role as lead attorney in the phony election scandal, he flew to Ukraine to investigate the Hunter Biden accusations.  Okay, so here's where the story becomes a tiny bit distasteful.  Now most of you are probably familiar with the pornographic term ATM, also known as "Ass to Mouth."  What people don't know, is that during his trip abroad, Giuliani underwent a very rare ATF (ass to face) transplant.  Takeaway: those streaming streaks were NOT cosmetic.  Rudy's ass, which became his head, was physically sharting.  Hence the streaking liquid feces.  Hershey squirts, the runs, whatever you wanna call it.  Regardless, it's safe to say that Giuliani has shit for brains.

Dedicated to Rudy Giuliani and anyone afflicted by gastrointestinal distress.


Rudy the Paint-Faced Dumbshit
sonofsaf

Rudy the paint-faced dumbshit
Probably wears panty hose
And is a big hypocrite
Goes on tv doesn’t know

All of the Fox News assholes
Used to listen to his claims
They even let schmear Rudy
Lie and place all of the blame

Then one day in Supreme Court
Justice came to play
Rudy with your face a mess
Won’t you fuck yourself god bless

Still how the douchebags listened
He was never paid his fee
Rudy the paint-faced dumbshit
Makeup was a mystery

Rudy the paint-faced dumbshit
Probably wears panty hose
And is a big hypocrite
Goes on tv doesn’t know

All of the Fox News assholes
Used to listen to his claims
They even let schmear Rudy
Lie and place all of the blame

Then one day in Supreme Court
Justice came to play
Rudy with your face a mess
Won’t you fuck yourself god bless

Still how the douchebags listened
He was never paid his fee
Rudy the paint-faced dumbshit
Makeup was a mystery


Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Had a very shiny nose
And if you ever saw it
You would even say it glows
 
All of the other reindeer
Used to laugh and call him names
They never let poor Rudolph
Join in any reindeer games
 
Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say
"Rudolph, with your nose so bright
Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"
 
Then how the reindeer loved him
As they shouted out with glee
"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
You'll go down in history"
 
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Had a very shiny nose
And if you ever saw it
You would even say it glows
 
All of the other reindeer
Used to laugh and call him names
They never let poor Rudolph
Join in any reindeer games
 
Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say
"Rudolph, with your nose so bright
Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"
 
Then how the reindeer loved him
As they shouted out with glee
"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
You'll go down in history"
 
To the best of my knowledge, I've never had a personal encounter with America's Mailfer (Mayoral Failure).
 
Please do not share this information with Rudy Giuliani, hair and makeup artists, cosmetologists, and anyone who enjoys Christmas caroling.

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