#16. Urban Jaguar

So… after getting torched in the NCAA Championship game by Alabama (52-24), Ohio State’s Urban Meyer is heading for greener pastures.  Jacksonville! 

If I had to guess, I think Meyer goes 5-11 in 2021.  Maybe 4-12 in 2022.  And then they get rid of him.  I suspect the Jaguars will permanently relocate to London, England after the Covid pandemic subsides.  Just a hunch.

Jacksonville is consistently the emptiest stadium in the NFL.  Ironically though, as far as attendance goes, this year they finished in the #2 spot just behind Dallas.

NFL Average Attendance in 2020:

1.  Dallas:  28,187

2.  Jacksonville:  15,191

3.  Tampa Bay:  14,483

4.  Kansas City:  13,153

5.  Houston:  12,400

And just in case you're wondering...  15.  Pittsburgh:  3,969 

If you’re ever looking for a good NFL trivia question:

TIAA Bank Field is home to the Jacksonville Jaguars.  What does TIAA stand for?

Teachers Insurance and Annuity Association (of America-College Retirement Equities Fund).  Hmm, as far as naming rights go, it seems like a rather prudent investment.  I mean, it just rolls off the tongue, eh?  Incidentally, a TIA is a transient ischemic attack (small stroke).

Dedicated to the mustache of Jags owner Shahid Kahn, a Pakistani with a net worth of 8 billion --- The "vehicle bumper manufacturing" mogul whose first name, at some point, mysteriously morphed into simply "Shad."  He looks a little bit different than your average NFL team owner.  But I just can't put my finger on it.

 

 

Urban Jaguar
sonofsaf

I’ve been coachin' these fields so long
Makin' 'em all belong
Offensive attacks with those throbbing big cocks in pussay
The troubles the blame and the shame
And no matter how hard they play through all of the pain
Sometimes it’s not so appetizing
But with some help from Verizon
Yeah you’re gonna see the NFL cummin' on me
Like an Urban Jaguar
Playin' out on the field in a Jacksonville football war
Like an Urban Jaguar
Bettin' hard with gamblers and bookies they bought me a car
And whiskey drinkin' at the wet bar

Well, the players feel all of the pain
And they try to hide the brown shit stains
But I’m on the wrong sidin' killin' and slayin' with O.J.
As they chase me down highways too
With five finger fistin' and a dildo inside of you
Sometimes it ain’t so appetizing
But with some help from Verizon
Yeah you’re gonna see the NFL cummin' on me

Like an Urban Jaguar
Playin' out on the field in a Jacksonville football war
Like an Urban Jaguar
Bettin' hard with gamblers and bookies they bought me a car
And whiskey drinkin' at the wet bar
Like an Urban Jaguar
Playin' out on the field in a Jacksonville football war
Like an Urban Jaguar
Bettin’ hard with gamblers and bookies they bought me a car
Like an Urban Jaguar

Rhinestone Cowboy
Glen Campbell

I've been walkin' these streets so long
Singin' the same old song
I know every crack in these dirty sidewalks of Broadway
Where hustle's the name of the game
And nice guys get washed away like the snow in the rain
There's been a load of compromising
On the road to my horizon
But I'm gonna be where the lights are shinin' on me
Like a rhinestone cowboy
Riding out on a horse in a star-spangled rodeo
Like a rhinestone cowboy
Getting cards and letters from people I don't even know
And offers comin' over the phone

Well, I really don't mind the rain
And the smile can hide all the pain
But you're down when you're ridin' the train that's takin' the long way
And I dream of the things I'll do
With a subway token and a dollar tucked inside my shoe
There'll be a load of compromisin'
On the road to my horizon
But I'm gonna be where the lights are shinin' on me

Like a rhinestone cowboy
Riding out on a horse in a star-spangled rodeo
Rhinestone cowboy
Gettin' cards and letters from people I don't even know
And offers comin' over the phone
Like a rhinestone cowboy
Riding out on a horse in a star-spangled rodeo
Like a rhinestone cowboy
Gettin' cards and letters from people I don't even know
Like a rhinestone cowboy

 

Do not share this information with NFL coach Urban Meyer, Jaguars owner Shad Kahn, residents of Jacksonville Florida, murderer O.J. Simpson, Verizon employees, gamblers, bookies, marital aid manufacturers, and/or the estate of musician Glen Campbell.