#986. Mike Crapo

In 2012, Mike "Potato Vodka" Crapo got pulled over in Alexandria, Virginia for blowing through a stop sign in the middle of the night.  Then he got arrested for DUI.  Who woulda thunk it?  Crapo must be some kinda party animal!

 

A little ironic, because on the campaign trail, he would proudly tell supporters that his Mormon faith precluded him from drinking alcohol.  However, at his court appearance, Crapo would eventually acknowledge a severe dependence on mouthwash.  His brand of choice... Anal-B.

Saf, how much do you care about the political scene in Idaho?  Truth be told, I don't give a crap.  Oh, perhaps a shit.  On the other hand, I always enjoyed it when my mother made me a crepe.  Oh, they were usually filled with fresh strawberries and whipping cream.  Delish.

 

 

Mike Crapo
sonofsaf

Seizing
Carpe diem seize the day don’t retreat, defend
Oh, kneeling
That Kaepernick’s a real go-getter, many ways, ooh yeah
Oh, no doubt
Photo-op with Donald pretend his dick is bigger, oh yeah
McMuffin
Goes on yelp, eats and registers his disdain, hm yeah

Mike Crapo, Senator of shit and lies
Oh, Idaho, Brokeback Mountain’s really gay
Oh, do not fret, Donald Trump we will defend
We’ll defend, we’ll defend

Stealing
Stopping paper ballots ‘cause he doesn’t like the trees, oh yeah
Displaying
The lingering claims of an election that was stolen
Oh, keeling
Over want him deader than a doornail bring the pain
Oh, dealings
Gotta figure out someone anyone to blame, hey

Mike Crapo, Senator of shit and lies
Oh, Idaho, Brokeback Mountain’s really gay
Oh, do not fret, Donald Trump we will defend
...Ah, small feet and hands, penis is not okay
Trump is gay, Trump is gay

Yeah!
Woo, ah yeah... fuck it up

Mike Crapo, Senator of shit and lies
Oh, Idaho, Brokeback Mountain’s really gay
Oh, do not fret, Donald Trump we will defend
...Ah, small feet and hands, penis is not okay
Trump is gay, Trump is gay... yeah!
Woo, ah yeah

 

Even Flow
Pearl Jam

Freezing
Rests his head on a pillow made of concrete, again
Oh, feeling
Maybe he'll see a little better, set of days, ooh yeah
Oh, hand out
Faces that he sees time again ain't that familiar, oh yeah
Oh, dark grin
He can't help, when he's happy he looks insane, hm yeah

Even flow, thoughts arrive like butterflies
Oh, he don't know, so he chases them away
Oh, someday yet, he'll begin his life again
Life again, life again

Kneeling
Looking through the paper though he doesn't know to read, oh yeah
Oh, praying
Now to something that has never showed him anything
Oh, feeling
Understands the weather of the winters on its way
Oh, ceilings
Few and far between all the legal halls of shame, hey

Even flow, thoughts arrive like butterflies
Oh, he don't know, so he chases them away
Oh, someday yet, he'll begin his life again
...Ah, whispering hands, gently lead him away
Him away, him away

Yeah!
Woo, ah yeah... fuck it up

Hey man, you got a dollar?
Come on, just some spare change, man, I know you got
Well, God bless you, man, God bless you

Even flow, thoughts arrive like butterflies
Oh, he don't know, so he chases them away
Oh, someday yet, he'll begin his life again
Oh, whispering hands, gently lead him away
Him away, him away... yeah!
Woo, ah yeah

 

Dedicated to Senator Mike Crapo.  Mason and I had a trip planned for London to see Pearl Jam at Hyde Park in the summer of 2020.  Then Covid hit.  I blame its cancellation and any of our future misfortune squarely on Donald Trump.  And to a lesser extent, Mike Crapo.

I can't even fathom anyone attempting a parody of Even Flow.  Challenging song. 

 

Good question.  And the answer is... drumroll please... probably not.

Over the decades, I've grown tired of a few Pearl Jam mainstays.  Even Flow being one of them.  Jeremy & Daughter come to mind as well.

Pearl Jam:

8-25-98, Star Lake Amphitheater, Burgettstown, PA
9-5-00, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA
9-28-05, PNC Park, Pittsburgh, PA (opened for the Rolling Stones)
6-23-06, Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, PA
10-27-09, Wachovia Spectrum, Philadelphia, PA
10-28-09, Wachovia Spectrum, Philadelphia, PA
5-6-10, Nationwide Arena, Columbus, OH
5-9-10, Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, OH
10-11-13, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA
10-1-14, U.S. Bank Arena, Cincinnati, OH
9-26-15, Central Park, New York City, NY (Global Citizen Festival)
4-28-16, Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, PA
4-29-16, Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, PA

The Big Lie 100: (#223)

#390.  Big Lie (Free Ride --- Edgar Winter)

#487.  Donald's Big Lie (Mr. Blue Sky --- E.L.O.)

#495.  American Lie (American Pie --- Don McLean)

#520.  The Big Lie (When Doves Cry --- Prince)

#530.  Big Lie (High Time --- Grateful Dead)

#545.  Big Lie (Goodbye --- Night Ranger)

#548.  Trump World's, Big Lie (Big Girls, Don't Cry --- Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons)  

#549.  All A Big Lie (Live And Let Die --- Paul McCartney)

#550.  Would Trump Lie To You (Would I Lie To You --- Annie Lennox)

#552.  Big Liar (Big Spender --- Shirley Bassey)

 

#553.  Big Lie (Big Me --- Foo Fighters)

#555.  The Big Lie (Let Her Cry --- Hootie And The Blowfish)

#557.  Big Lie (Big Love --- Fleetwood Mac)

#559.  Big Lies (Big Balls --- AC/DC)

#561.  The Big Lie (Aces High --- Iron Maiden)

#562.  Big Lie Trump Overload (Goodbye Yellow Brick Road --- Elton John)

#563.  Byrne's A Bitch (Burn The Witch --- Radiohead)

#564.  As The World Byrnes (As The World Burns --- Kreator)

#565.  Lie (Cry --- Godley and Creme)

#567.  Byrne In Hell (Burn In Hell --- Twisted Sister) 

#571.  He's A Scrotum The Big Lie (I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry --- Hank Williams)

#594.  Lie Lie You Trumpers (Die Die My Darling --- Metallica)

#595.  To Live Is To Lie (To Live Is To Die --- Metallica) 

 

#596.  Don't Lie (Don't Cry --- Guns'n'Roses)

#597.  Big Lie (Big Time --- Peter Gabriel)

#601.  Lies (Lies --- Thompson Twins)

#602.  Liar (Liar --- Three Dog Night)

#606.  Lie Free-For-All (Fly On The Wall --- AC/DC)

#609.  Big Liar (Big River --- Grateful Dead)

#616.  Jeffrey Clark (Rosa Parks --- OutKast)

#626.  So Great At Big Lies (Too Late For Goodbyes --- Julian Lennon)

#627.  Liar (Liar --- Henry Rollins)

#630.  Lie!  Lie! (Why?!  Why?! --- Nancy Kerrigan)

#632.  Fucked Up Lie (Custard Pie --- Led Zeppelin)

#633.  Tommy (Zombie --- The Cranberries)

#636.  Everybody Blows (Justice League Soundtrack --- Sigrid)

#639.  Orange Clown (Small Town --- John Cougar Mellencamp)

#640.  Be Unforgiving And Never Stop Lying (Shawshank Redemption --- Morgan Freeman / Tim Robbins)

#643.  Stampede (Candide --- Leonard Bernstein)

#651.  It's The Big Lie (Electric Eye --- Judas Priest)

#653.  Who Killed Ashli Babbitt (Who Killed Roger Rabbit --- Robert Zemekis)

#656.  Dush (Hush --- Deep Purple)

#657.  Dush (Plush --- Stone Temple Pilots)

#658.  Gonna Rock The Vote (Evil Little Goat --- Pearl Jam)

#659.  Trump's An Asshole (Get In The Hole --- generic dumbshit golf enthusiast)

#660.  Trump's A Clown (Lay It Down --- Ratt)

#661.  Between The Lies (Between The Eyes --- Ratt)

#663.  Lies Of The World (Eyes Of The World --- Grateful Dead)

#667.  Hole Jim Jordan (Beast of Burden --- Rolling Stones)

#670.  Sean Parnell (Go To Hell --- Alice Cooper)

#671.  Patrick (Magic --- Olivia Newton-John)

#673.  Sidney Implants (Breast Implants --- women w/ fake titties)

#674.  We Abhor Sidney (Eleanor Rigby --- Paul McCartney)

#675.  Trust Us on J6 (Justice for J6 )

#676.  Fuck Lin Wood (Amii Stewart --- Knock On Wood)

#677.  Lincoln Wood (If I Could --- Phish)

#678.  Burt Jones (Them Bones --- Alice in Chains)

#679.  Harriet's A Liar (Chariots of Fire --- Vangelis)

#680.  Trump's A Liar (Light My Fire --- The Doors)

#681.  Liar  (Fire --- Jimi Hendrix)

#682.  Lee (Tea --- King Diamond)

#683.  Fuck You Michael Cloud (Get Off Of My Cloud --- Rolling Stones)

#684.  Disunion Forever (The Union Forever --- Sergeant Richard Pickman)

#688.  Fuck You Lou (Love Me Do --- The Beatles)

#690.  Say No Thanks, 'Cause Trump Is A Crook And... (Ball Park Franks slogan)  

#691.  Barletta Theme Song (Baretta Theme Song --- Sammy Davis Jr.)

#693.  Justice For Gay Pricks (Justice for J-6 --- Matt Braynard)

#694.  Marco... Homo (Marco... Polo --- unknown)

#699.  Kent Is A Woman (Scent Of A Woman --- Seinfeld)

#700.  GOP (Can't You See --- Marshall Tucker Band) 

#701.  So Contradictory, Matt DePerno (Nestle --- It's Not Delivery, It's DiGiorno)

#702.  Ellis Lie (Jealous Guy --- John Lennon)

#708.  Orange Prolapsin' (Sister Christian --- Night Ranger)

#709.  Burt (Hurt --- Nine Inch Nails)

#713.  Bad Thune Lying (Bad Moon Rising --- John Fogerty)

#719.  Donald Trumper Lies (Bette Davis Eyes --- Kim Carnes) 

#722.  Jody Hice (Paradise --- Coldplay)

#723.  Liar (Liar --- Sex Pistols)

#725.  Strategic Warning (Woke Up This Morning --- Alabama 3)

#726.  Lake's A Caucasian (Shake Your Foundations --- AC/DC)

#727.  Texas (Lexus --- Toyota Marketing Department)

#729.  V.P. Pee Song (1970's Steelers Polka Fight Song --- Jimmy Psihoulis)

#740.  Maximum Misery, Matt DePerno (It's Not Delivery, It's DiGiorno --- Nestle)

#742.  Subpoena No Doubt (The Sun Will Come Out --- Little Orphan Annie)

#743.  Congressman Cole (Head Like A Hole --- Nine Inch Nails

#745.  Scavino Never Cums (Tomorrow Never Comes --- Teddy Geiger)

#746.  Chucky (Lucky --- Radiohead)

#747.  Dan Scavino (Sweet Potato --- Cracker)

#750.  Queen Graham (Queen Jane --- Grateful Dead)

#754.  Fraud (Maude --- Alan and Marilyn Bergman)

#755.  Trump Oddity (Space Oddity --- David Bowie) 

#757.  Trump And Mark Meadows (Me And My Shadow --- Whispering Jack Smith)

#758.  I Allege Grievance (The Pledge of Allegiance --- Rev. Francis Bellamy)

#760.  Peter Theil (Spinning Wheel --- Blood Sweat And Tears

#761.  Brnovich (Burn The Witch --- Radiohead) 

#773.  Larry Was A Damn Conniver (Jerry Was A Race Car Driver --- Primus)

 

#776.  Bannon (Dannon --- Danone North America Marketing Department)

 

#778.  Jim Banks (Give Thanks --- Dan Moen)

 

#779.  Fiore (Old Glory --- Guttermouth)

#785.  Jack (Black --- Pearl Jam)

#788.  Duncan's A Right Wing Cunt (Time To Make The Donuts --- Dunkin' Donuts)

#789.  Parnell, Parnell (Rochelle, Rochelle --- Bette Midler)

#790.  Fat Huckabee (Bad Company --- Bad Company)

#791.  The Big Lie Con (Da Do Ron Ron --- The Crystals)

#796.  Sean Parnell (Might As Well --- The Grateful Dead)

#797.  Liberty (Misery --- The Beatles)

#798.  Here Cums The Cunt (Here Comes The Sun --- The Beatles)

#800.  The Friendliness Of The Central Perk Gunther (The Loneliness Of The Long Distance Runner --- Iron Maiden)

 

#801.  Youngkin's A Clown (You Spin Me Round --- Dead Or Alive)

#803.  Tomahawk (Body Talk --- Ratt)

 

#804.  Bolsonaro (Hot Potato --- The Wiggles)

 

#807.  Political Space (Critical Race --- The Republican Party)

 

#809.  Jen Psaki (Stagger Lee --- Grateful Dead)

  

#811.  Republican (Alone Again --- Dokken)

#812.  Genghis Kahn (QAnon --- Q)

#813.  Tax The Rich (Eat The Rich --- Krokus)

#816.  Mike Carey (Proud Mary --- Tina Turner)

#823.  Astro (world)? Not!  (Astronaut --- Yuri Gagarin)

#824.  Rupert The Asshole Murdoch (Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer --- Johnny Marks)

#825.  A Coup's Not A Drill (A View To A Kill --- Duran Duran)

#830.  Brainiac (Maniac/Gainiac --- Michael Sembello/Proctor & Gamble)

#833.  Gus Is Scum (Us And Them --- Pink Floyd)

#834.  Fleischmann (Fleischmann's --- Associated British Foods)

#837.  He's Pretty White (McCarthy) (Fight For Your Right (To Party) --- Beastie Boys)

#838.  I Guess That's Why They Call It A Coup (I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues --- Elton John)

#839.  Donald's Coup (Song Sung Blue --- Neil Diamond)

#840.  Coup D'Etat Plan (Blue Collar Man --- Styx)

#842.  Trump's Coup Autocrat (What's New Pussycat? --- Tom Jones)

#843.  Income Tax Cheat (Sesame Street theme song --- The Kids)

#844.  A Coup Solution (The New Solution --- Beck)

#845.  Alex Mooney (Do The Fonzie --- Suzie Quatro and the band)

#846.  Mick Mouse (Brick House --- The Commodores)

#847.  Matthew Rosendale (Peter Cottontail --- Gene Autry) 

#849.  Kevin Rathbun (In The Long Run --- The Eagles)

#850.  Donald Trump Is Sh*t (Believe It Or Not --- Greatest American Hero Theme Song)

#853.  Kevin Rathbun (Fortunate Son --- Pearl Jam)

#854.  Detmer Blows (Don't Let Go --- Weezer)

#855.  Bricker Sucks (Lick It Up --- Kiss)

#859.  Sean Parnell (Jingle Bells --- Korn)

#860.  The Oath Keepers (Jeepers Creepers --- Frank Sinatra)

#861.  Dan Cox (Squeeze Box --- The Who)

#862.  Alex Jones (Skin And Bones --- Foo Fighters)

#863.  Roger Stone (Turn To Stone --- Electric Light Orchestra)

#864.  Fuck You (Praise You --- Fatboy Slim)

#865.  Donald Trump's Not White (Take Me Home Tonight --- Eddie Money)

#867.  Parnell's Gone (Tuesday's Gone --- Lynyrd Skynyrd)

#871.  Donald's A Clown (Don't Let Me Down --- The Beatles)

#872.  Guillen's Not The Same (Killing In The Name --- Rage Against The Machine)

#876.  Donald Has Sinned (Dust In The Wind --- Kansas)

#880.  Donald Sucks Cocks (Love On The Rocks --- Neil Diamond)

#881.  Twitter Tweet (Gerry Raffety --- Baker Street)

#882.  Happy Thanksgiving (Among The Living --- Anthrax)

#883.  Donald Trump's A Cock (Love Is Like A Rock --- Donnie Iris)

#884.  Kern! Kern! Kern! (Turn! Turn! Turn! --- The Byrds)

#885.  Kern's A Faggot Asshole (Turn Up The Radio --- Autograph)

#888.  Fat Orange Clown (My Hometown --- Bruce Springsteen)

#890.  Trump Stinks (Love Stinks --- J. Geils Band)

#891.  Learning To Lie (Learning to Fly --- Tom Petty)

#893.  David Perdue (Mr. Magoo --- Vincent Artaud)

#894.  Cox  (Clocks --- Coldplay)

#896.  Fuck Beth Van Duyne (Telephone Line --- E.L.O.)

#898.  Name Is Beth Van Duyne (Lay It On The Line --- Triumph)

#899.  Beth (Beth --- Kiss)

#901.  Jack Off And Vote For Mehmet (We're Off To See The Wizard --- Harold Arlen)

#902.  Devin Bitches (Seven Wishes --- Night Ranger)

#903.  Byron Donalds (Iron Maiden --- Iron Maiden)

#904.  Oz instrumental (Jaws instrumental --- John Williams)

#905.  Daniel Cox (Heart-Shaped Box --- Nirvana)

#906.  The Big Lie (9 to 5 --- Dolly Parton)

#907.  Devin's A Liar (Heaven's On Fire --- Kiss)

#908.  Mark Meadows (No One Knows --- Queens Of The Stone Age)

#910.  Collusion (Confusion --- E.L.O.)

#911.  Dan Cox Zero (Juke Box Hero --- Foreigner)

#912.  Anthony Kern Is Slime (If I Could Turn Back Time --- Cher)

#914.  Senator Manchin (Blowin' In The Wind --- Bob Dylan)

#915.  She Is A Cunt Beth Van Duyne (I Heard It Through The Grapevine)

#917.  Have Yourself a Very Scary 1-6 (Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas --- John Legend)

#918.  The Events Of 1-6 (No Presents For Christmas --- King Diamond)

#919.  The Sorrow Of Meadows (Tomorrow Never Knows --- Grateful Dead)

#920.  BYE-DEN (SAY10 --- Marilyn Manson)

#921.  Fuck Rick Perry (Voices Carry --- Til Tuesday)

#925.  Devin Nunes Army (Seven Nation Army --- Jack White)

#926.  Of Course (White Horse --- Laid Back)

#929.  Trump Ain't Great (Carole King --- It's Too Late)

#931.  Donald's Cock (Like A Rock --- Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band)

#932.  All I Want Is Justice For Trump (All I Want For Christmas Is You --- Mariah Carey)

#934.  Devin's Not Well (Heaven And Hell --- Ronnie James Dio)

#936.  Jim Crow (Hello --- Lionel Richie)

#937.  Mark Meadows (Heaven Knows --- Robert Plant)

#938.  Tim O'Hare (Save A Prayer --- Duran Duran)

#939.  Boebert For Me (Moron TV --- Primus)

#940.  He Will Fuck You (We Will Rock You --- Queen)

#941.  Bill Lee (Stone Free --- Jimi Hendrix)

#942.  Lee (Free --- Phish)

#943.  Boozman (Batman --- Voivod)

#944.  There's No Doubt He Is John James (Take Me Out To The Ball Game --- Jack Norworth & Albert Von Tilzer)

#945.  Do Juneau Mike? (I Ride My Bike --- Cracker)

#946.  Trump Likes Makin' Blood (Feel Like Makin' Love --- Bad Company)

#947.  Rosendale (Monorail --- The Simpsons)

#948.  John Gibbs (War Pigs --- Ozzy Osbourne)

#949.  Blood Insurrection (Love And Affection --- Def Leppard)

#950.  Kyle Rittenhouse (Burning Down The House --- Talking Heads)

#951.  Mayes (Maze --- Phish)

#953.  Mayes (Graze --- Live)

#954.  Trump's A Fucking Liar (Comin' Under Fire --- Def Leppard)

#955.  Lie When It's Legal (Fly Like An Eagle --- Steve Miller)

#956.  Mary Miller (Psyhco Killer --- Talking Heads)

#957.  Middleton (Black Hole Sun --- Soundgarden)

#958.  Miller's A Liar (Killer Of Giants --- Ozzy Osbourne)

#960.  Henry D. McMaster (Beautiful Disaster --- 311)

#962.  Journey Together (Happy Together --- Weezer)

#963.  Schmidt Is White (Hit The Lights --- Metallica)

#966.  Violent Fight (Holy Night --- The Tabernacle Choir at Temple Square)

#967.  Donald Jr. (Way Cool Jr. --- Ratt)

#968.  We Don't Need No Tim O'Hare (I Don't Need No Rocking Chair --- George Jones)

#970.  Fuck Donald Trump (You Think You're Tough --- Ratt)

#972.  Schmidt's An Asshat (Hit The Road Jack --- Ray Charles)

#973.  Insurrection (White, Discussion --- Live)

#974.  Senator Rounds (I'll Stick Around --- Foo Fighters)

#976.  Matt DePerno (The Muppet Show Theme Song --- Sam Pottle)

#977.  Wisconsin Johnson (Wisconsin Death Trip --- Static X)

#978.  Finchem (Red Rum --- The Shining)

#979.  Going To Mar-A-Lago (Going To California --- Led Zeppelin)

#980.  McCormick's Thing (Lunatic Fringe --- Tom Cochrane w/ Red Rider)

#981.  Jordan I Can't Stand (Burden In My Hand --- Soundgarden)

#982.  Gosar Is Gay (So Far Away --- Dire Straits)

#983.  Mike Rounds Senator (The Hounds Of Winter --- Sting)

#985.  Mike Crapo (I Don't Know --- Ozzy)

#986.  Mike Crapo (Even Flow --- Pearl Jam)

 

Please do not share this material with Senator Mike Crapo (R-ID) and/or former President Donald J. Trump.