#1681. China Balloon

Secretary of State Blinkin held an emergency press conference yesterday about the evil China "Tik Tok" balloon.

You gotta wonder if this is more of "test run."  Seriously, what if a similar balloon shows up next weekend out in the Arizona desert... on the weekend of the Super Bowl in Glendale?  Sounds like potential for another Black Sunday.  Hey, bad things never happen.  Until they happen.  Cause well, you know.  It's just how the world works.

Oddly enough, I've never seen the movie.  Rest assured though, I have lived the life.

 

China Balloon
sonofsaf

It’s just a China balloon
It’s just a China balloon

Up in the Big Sky’s a China, it’s a China balloon
Up in the Big Sky the state of Montana’s fucking doomed
Jamal Kashoogi disembodied by the Saudis, chopped up his body, excusin’ Saudis
Jamal Kashoogi disembodied by the Saudis
It’s just a China balloon
Jamal Kashoogi disembodied by the Saudis, chopped up his body, excusin’ Saudis
Jamal Kashoogi disembodied by the Saudis
It’s just a China balloon

Sing
Biden trouble, laptop trouble Hunter’s lyin’ to you
Don’t you know that it’s from China, it’s a China balloon

Jamal Kashoogi disembodied by the Saudis, chopped up his body, excusin’ Saudis
Jamal Kashoogi disembodied by the Saudis
It’s just a China balloon
Jamal Kashoogi disembodied by the Saudis, chopped up his body, excusin’ Saudis
Jamal Kashoogi disembodied by the Saudis
It’s just a China balloon

It’s just a China balloon
Jamal Kashoogi disembodied by the Saudis, chopped up his body, excusin’ Saudis
Jamal Kashoogi disembodied by the Saudis
It’s just a China balloon
Jamal Kashoogi disembodied by the Saudis, chopped up his body, excusin’ Saudis
Jamal Kashoogi disembodied by the Saudis
It’s just a China balloon
It’s just a China balloon

 

Jealous Buffoon
AWOLNATION

I'm just a jealous buffoon
I'm just a jealous buffoon

You can tell that I'm a jealous, I'm a jealous buffoon
You can tell that I'm the only elephant in the room
I never think I'll ever get used to your body, used to your body, cruisin' your body
I never think I'll ever get used to your body
I'm just a jealous buffoon
I never think I'll ever get used to your body, used to your body, cruisin' your body
I never think I'll ever get used to your body
I'm just a jealous buffoon

Sing
I have trouble, so much trouble keepin' eyes off of you
Don't you know that I'm a jealous, I'm a jealous buffoon?

I never think I'll ever get used to your body, used to your body, cruisin' your body
I never think I'll ever get used to your body
I'm just a jealous buffoon
I never think I'll ever get used to your body, used to your body, cruisin' your body
I never think I'll ever get used to your body
I'm just a jealous buffoon

I'm just a jealous buffoon
I never think I'll ever get used to your body, used to your body, cruisin' your body
I never think I'll ever get used to your body
I'm just a jealous buffoon
I never think I'll ever get used to your body, used to your body, cruisin' your body
I never think I'll ever get used to your body
I'm just a jealous buffoon
I'm just a jealous buffoon

 

 

Every once in a China balloon, er uh, every once in a blue moon... I'll write a parody of a song that I've never heard.  Even worse are the times when I refuse to listen to the actual song itself.  I just match up the syllables and get on with my life.  THIS... is one of those times.

From 2011 to 2022, AWOLNATION (all CAPS, the Orange Prolapse would be proud) has played the Burgh a grand total of 7 times.  In 2015, they opened for the Stones at Heinz Field.  As you might expect, we skipped out on the opener.

AWOLNATION:

6-20-15, Heinz Field, Pittsburgh, PA

The Big Lie 100: (#847)

#1417.  Crudite Mode (Holiday Road --- Lindsey Buckingham)

#1418.  Wants Crudite (So Far Away --- Dire Straits)

#1419.  The Crudite (Not Fade Away --- Grateful Dead)

#1420.  Crudite Din (Holiday Inn --- Elton John)

 

#1421.  Tiffany Smiley (Baba O'Riley --- Grateful Dead)

#1422.  Markwayne (Cocaine --- Eric Clapton)

 

#1423.  Coco Elaine (Hello Again --- The Cars)

 

#1424.  Ill Campaigns (Still Remains --- Stone Temple Pilots)

 

#1425.  Crudite (Yesterday --- Paul McCartney)

 

#1426.  Roe Roe Roe Your Vote (Row Row Row Your Vote --- Ella Fitzgerald)

 

#1427.  Tate Reeves (Governor Blows) (Believe (Nobody Knows) --- My Morning Jacket)

 

#1428.  Eatin' Crudite (Surfin' U.S.A. --- Beach Boys)

 

#1429.  Mrs. Smiley (Mr. Smiley --- Poison)

 

#1430.  Mitch McConnell (Old MacDonald --- Unknown)

 

#1431.  Master Is Special (Master Of Puppets --- Metallica) 

#1432.  Crudite (Holiday --- Bee Gees)

 

#1433.  Fucked Up Ass Blake Masters (Fabulous Disaster --- Exodus)

 

#1434.  Mrs. Smiley (Mr. Crowley --- Ozzy Osbourne)

 

#1435.  Talk To Mark Meadows (Walk In The Shadows --- Queensryche)

 

#1436.  Chris Kice (The Price -- Twisted Sister)

#1437.  Crudite (Stay Away --- Nirvana)

#1438.  Crudite (New Year's Day --- U2)

#1439.  One More Crudite Bite (One More Saturday Night --- Grateful Dead)

#1440.  The Crudite's Bad (The Crudite) (Don't Go Away Mad (Just Go Away) --- Motley Crue)

#1441.  Crudite (Say Say Say --- Paul McCartney & Michael Jackson)

#1442.  That Donald Trump Is... (All In The Name Of... Motley Crue)

#1443.  Comer Isn't Very Smart (Owner Of A Lonely Heart --- Yes)

#1444.  Mehmet Oz (Just Because --- Jane's Addiction)

#1445.  A Piece Of Shit From The Start (Total Eclipse Of The Heart --- Bonnie Tyler)

#1446.  J.D. (Lady --- Styx)

#1447.  J.D. Vance (My Romance --- Carly Simon)

#1448.  Donald Trump's Hair (Ya Mo B There --- Michael McDonald)

#1449.  Dixon, Tudor (Touch My Tooter --- Ween)

#1450.  J.D. (Lady --- Little River Band)

#1451.  J.D. Is Gay (Lay Lady Lay --- Bob Dylan)

#1452.  Tudor Dixon (Superstition --- Stevie Wonder)

#1453.  Richard Woods (Harry Hood --- Phish)

#1454.  Woods (Would --- Alice In Chains)

#1455.  Ted Budd (Blackbird --- The Beatles)

#1456.  Budd Is Far Right (Bloody Well Right --- Supertramp)

#1457.  Trump's Strange (La Grange --- ZZ Top)

#1458.  Ashley Kalus (Brokedown Palace --- Grateful Dead)

#1459.  Hung Cao (Right Now --- Van Halen)

#1460.  Hung Cao (Black Cow --- Steely Dan)

#1461.  Scott Jensen (Confusion --- Electric Light Orchestra)

#1462.  Meet Mehmet (Meet The Mets --- Ruth Roberts & Bill Katz)

#1463.  Bolduc (Holed Up --- The Raconteurs)

#1464.  Bolduc's Fucked up (Hold Your Head Up --- Argent)

#1465.  Vance Is A Cunt (Eminence Front --- The Who)

#1466.  Oh Mike Lindell (The First Noel --- Brian Wilson)

#1467.  A Fucking Assclown (The Final Countdown --- Europe)

#1468.  Kim Jong Un Will Fight (Afternoon Delight --- Starland Vocal Band)

#1469.  Majewski's Outta Line (Nobody's Fault But Mine --- Led Zeppelin)

#1470.  I Guess That's Why They Call Him A Jew (I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues --- Elton John)

#1471.  Crudite Plate (Runaway Train --- Soul Asylum)

#1472.  Roger Stone (Danger Zone --- Kenny Loggins)

#1473.  Roger Stone (Danger Zone --- The Ramones)

#1474.  Laxalt (Asshole --- Tom Petty)

#1475.  Trump Is A Bitch (Under The Bridge --- Red Hot Chili Peppers)

#1476.  Mark Meadows Loves Gay Porn (Every Rose Has A Thorn --- Poison)

#1477.  Kim Jong's Illin' (You Be Illin' --- Run DMC)

#1478.  Bad Roger Stone (Bad To The Bone --- George Thorogood & The Destroyers)

#1479.  Burt (Hurt --- Nine Inch Nails)

#1480.  Pate Is A Geek (Eight Days A Week --- The Beatles)

#1481.  Poor Sandy Smith (Poor Ellen Smith --- Billy Strings)

#1482.  Laxalt (Blackout --- Scorpions)

#1483.  Steve J. Scalise (Karma Police --- Radiohead)

#1484.  Steve Scalise (Dream Police --- Cheap Trick)

#1485.  Teddy Cruz (Boggie Shoes --- KC & The Sunshine Band)

#1486.  Ronchetti (Black Betty --- Metal Church)

#1487.  Joe O'Dea (Day By Day --- The Hooters)

#1488.  Tommy Tuberville (A View To A Kill --- Duran Duran) 

#1489.  Fuck You Trumpers (All You Zombies --- The Hooters)

#1490.  A. Biggs (War Pigs --- Black Sabbath)

#1491.  Rubio Ga Ga (Radio Ga Ga --- Queen)

#1492.  Moran (Old Man --- Neil Young)

#1493.  Trump's A Liar (Ring Of Fire --- Johnny Cash)

#1494.  Why Does Ivanka Blow (Where Do The Children Go --- The Hooters)

#1495.  Why Why, Gay Gay (Chris Sununu) (My My, Hey Hey (Out Of The Blue) --- Neil Young)

#1496.  Tonight Ivanka Masturbates For You (Tonight I Want To Celebrate With You --- My Morning Jacket)

#1497.  Marco A. Rubio (Turn Up The Radio --- Autograph)

#1498.  Tshibaka (Fuck You) (Axilla (Part II --- Phish)

#1499.  Sinning (Winning --- Santana)

#1500.  Nunes (Jane Says --- Jane's Addiction)

#1501.  (We Don't Want No) Kenneth Paxton (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction --- Rolling Stones)

#1502.  Asshole In Trump Tower... Stinking (Standing In The Shower... Thinking --- Jane's Addiction)

#1503.  Fuck Cooper (The Trooper --- Iron Maiden)

#1504.  Ganahl (Crank Call --- Billy Idol)

#1505.  Bannon (Love Gun --- Kiss)

#1506.  Marco Rubio's A Clown And A Retard (Me And Julio Down By The Schoolyard --- Paul Simon)

#1507.  Paul LePage (Turn The Page --- Bob Seger)

#1508.  The Donald Is Orange Not White (We Only Come Out At Night --- Smashing Pumpkins)

#1509.  Cindy Kirk (Dirty Work --- Steely Dan)

#1510.  Strong And His Mouth (Song Of The South --- Alabama)

#1511.  Clarence Thomas (Mr. Crowley --- Ozzy Osbourne)

#1512.  Jim Marchant (Ants Marching --- Dave Matthews Band)

#1513.  Adam Hinojosa (Champagne Supernova --- Oasis)

#1514.  Acrisure (Immature --- Bjork)

#1515.  Michels The Liar (Trial By Fire --- Testament)

#1516.  Donald's A Liar (Great Balls Of Fire --- Jerry Lee Lewis)

#1517.  Mark Amodei (Carry that Weight --- Paul McCartney)

#1518.  George Logan (War Begun --- My Morning Jacket)

#1519.  Mike DeWine (He's So Fine --- The Chiffons)

#1520.  Connie Scott (Ocelot --- Phish)

#1521.  Colonel Robertson (Mrs. Robisnon --- Paul Simon)

#1522.  Mehmet's A Crudite Fan (We're An American Band --- Rob Zombie)

#1523.  The Liar Bob Burns (The Fire That Burns --- Twisted Sister)

#1524.  Grassley Ass Ass (Blow, Blow, Blow) (Grassy Grass Grass (Grow, Grow, Grow --- Woody Guthrie)

#1525.  Fuck Cory Mills (Run To The Hills --- Iron Maiden)

#1526.  Sununu (Katmandu --- Bob Seger)

#1527.  Josh Brecheen (Hey Nineteen --- Steely Dan)

#1528.  Lombardo (Touch And Go --- The Cars)

#1529.  Gerald Malloy (Seek And Destroy --- Metallica)

#1530.  Ezell (That Smell --- Lynyrd Skynyrd)

#1531.  Die Anus Brenna Bird (Fly Famous Mockingbird --- Phish)

#1532.  I Hope He Dies (DeSantis DeSantis) (As Time Goes By (A Kiss Is Just A Kiss) --- Herman Hupfeld)

#1533.  Sam Peters (Maneater --- Hall & Oates)

#1534.  Houchin Is A Buffoon (Bouncin' Around The Room --- Phish)

#1535.  Brenna Bird (Mockingbird --- Carly Simon)

#1536.  Eli Crane (On A Plain --- Nirvana)

#1537.  Marco Rubio (Sussudio --- Phil Collins) 

#1538.  Dislike Neil Parrott (Smells Like Teen Spirit --- Nirvana)

#1539.  Kirkmeyer (Desire --- U2)

#1540.  Bruce Poliquin (Bad Medicine --- Bon Jovi)

#1541.  Chavez DeRemer (Daydream Believer --- The Monkees)

#1542.  Michelle Steel (Spinning Wheel --- Blood, Sweat & Tears)

#1543.  Ganahl's Gay (Dance Hall Days --- Wang Chung) 

#1544.  Trump (Jump --- Van Halen)

#1545.  Justin Amash (Caught In A Mosh --- Anthrax)

#1546.  Senator Chuck Grassley (Tallahassee Lassie --- Rolling Stones)

#1547.  Omnibus (Magic Bus --- The Who)

#1548.  Bird Whore (3rd Floor --- Death Angel)

#1549.  Fuck Ganahl (Give It All --- Ratt)

#1550.  Heidi Ganahl (I Want It All --- Queen)

#1551.  Aaron Bean (Vasoline --- Stone Temple Pilots)

#1552.  Yum Crudite (Run Runaway --- Slade)

#1553.  Buy The Crudite (Dance The Night Away --- Van Halen)

#1554.  The Crudite (Come Sail Away --- Styx)

#1555.  He's John Cornyn (I Walk The Line --- Johnny Cash)

#1556.  Fuck You  John Cornyn (You Are My Sunshine --- Johnny Cash)

#1557.  Wants The Crudite (Gotta Get Away --- The Offspring)

#1558.  Tuberville (Overkill --- Motorhead)

#1559.  The Crudite (Alice In Chains --- The Crudite)

#1560.  Kushner's A Jew (With Or Without You --- U2)

#1561.  Oz Wants The Crudite (On The Turning Away --- Pink Floyd)

#1562.  So Much Pain (The Big Lie) --- (Morning Train (Nine To Five) --- Sheena Easton)

#1563.  Ganahl (Rag Doll --- Aerosmith)

#1564.  To Scan (The Crudite) (I Ran (So Far Away) --- A Flock Of Seagulls)

#1565.  He'll Buy Crudite (Slip Slidin' Away --- Paul Simon)

#1566.  Lomabrdo (I Don't Know --- Ozzy Osbourne)

#1567.  Miller Hates Science (Killer Of Giants --- Ozzy Osbourne)

#1568.  He's Ye (I'm Free --- The Who)

#1569.  Ye (Free --- Prince)

#1570.  Ye (Free --- Phish)

#1571.  Ye (Free --- Stryper)

#1572.  Ye (Free --- Chicago)

#1573.  Fuentes (Mayonaise --- Smashing Pumpkins)

#1574.  Ye Is Gay (The Hooters --- Day By Day)

#1575.  Trumpy's White (Boogie Nights --- Heatwave)

#1576.  Herschel Walker (Doctor, Doctor --- Iron Maiden)

#1577.  Mike Braun (C'mon --- DEVO)

#1578.  Me And My Pillow (Tears On My Pillow --- Little Anthony & The Imperials)

#1579.  Asshole General Todd Rokita (Back Home Again In Indiana --- Jim Nabors)

#1580.  Ye's A Clown (Lay It Down --- Ratt)

#1581.  Kanye's Name Is Ye (I Want To Break Free --- Queen)

#1582.  Ye Is So Gay (Go Your Own Way --- Fleetwood Mac)

#1583.  Ye Will Fuck You (We Will Rock You --- Queen)

#1584.  Winsome Sears (Wasted Years --- Iron Maiden)

#1585.  Crokin  (Smokin' --- Boston)

#1586.  Crokin' In The Bedroom (Smokin' In The Boys Room --- Motley Crue)

#1587.  Ye Is Gay (Touch Of Grey --- Grateful Dead)

#1588.  Sinema Girl (Cinnamon Girl --- Neil Young)

#1589.  Ye Is Outta Line (Lay It On The Line --- Triumph)

#1590.  Kushner's A Jew (This Note's For You --- Neil Young)

#1591.  His Name Is Kanye (I Want It That Way --- Backstreet Boys)

#1592.  Mike Ezell (Ring My Bell --- Anita Ward)

#1593.  Recep Erdogan (Portland, Oregon --- Loretta Lynn & Jack White)

#1594.  The Crudite (Sing Me Away --- Night Ranger)

#1595.  Greene Is The Enemy (Teenage Lobotomy --- The Ramones)

#1596.  Greene's A Crusty Fucking Pussy (Teenage Nosferatu Pussy --- Rob Zombie)

#1597.  Trump Isn't White (Still Of The Night --- Whitesnake)

#1598.  Mike Ezell (Go To Hell --- Motorhead)

#1599.  Patel (That Smell --- Lynyrd Skynyrd)

#1600.  Prolapse Left A Stain (Crying In The Rain --- Whitesnake)

#1601.  Marjorie Taylor Greene (Welcome To The Machine --- Pink Floyd)

#1602.  Mike Braun (Float On --- Modest Mouse)

#1603.  Donald Trump's A Goon (Trump Trading Cards) (Fly Me To The Moon (In Other Words) --- Frank Sinatra)

#1605.  Fung (Tongue --- Butthole Surfers)

#1607.  Donald's Thing (Little Wing --- Jimi Hendrix)

#1608.  We Want Harmeet (We Got The Beat --- Go-Go's)

#1609.  Fuller Figure (Father Figure --- George Michaels)

#1610.  Harmeet (Love Street --- The Doors)

#1611.  He Used To Tweet (We Got The Beat --- Go-Go's)

#1612.  Kari Lake (Cups And Cakes --- Spinal Tap)

#1613.  Donald Is Gay (Y.M.C.A. --- The Village People) (blocked for violation of community standards)

#1614.  Divine Insurrection (Divine Intervention --- Slayer)

#1615.  Meuser (Loser --- Grateful Dead)

#1616.  New York's George Santos (Me And My Shadow --- Frank Sinatra & Sammy Davis Jr.)

#1617.  Andrew Clyde (Cyanide --- Metallica)

#1618.  Andrew Clyde (Saigon Bride --- Joan Baez)

#1619.  Andrew Clyde G. (Glorified G --- Pearl Jam)

#1620.  Andrew Clyde (When You Died --- Violent Femmes)

#1621.  Donald Is Gay (Help On The Way --- Grateful Dead)

#1622.  Trump  is Very Gay (Help Is On It's Way --- Little River Band)

#1623.  Andrew Clyde (Mama Tried --- Grateful Dead)

#1624.  Abbott (Habit --- Pearl Jam)

#1625.  Santos Is Scum (Under My Thumb --- Rolling Stones)

#1626.  Harmeet Dhillon (You Be Illin' --- Run DMC)

#1627.  Spreads The Big Lie (As Tears Go By --- Rolling Stones)

#1628.  Harmeet Harmeet (Heartbeat Heartbeat --- The Eurythmics)

#1631.  Victor Bout (Substitute --- The Who)

#1633.  Hope Hicks (Chopsticks --- Euphemia Allen)

#1634.  Kevin Is A Dumb Whore (Knockin' On Heaven's Door --- Bob Dylan)

#1635.  Kevin's Very Upset (Seven Years In Tibet --- David Bowie)

#1636.  Kevin Learns (Seven Turns --- Allman Brothers Band)

#1637.  Kevin (Heaven --- Rolling Stones)

#1638.  Kevin (Heaven --- Warrant)

#1639.  Kevin  (Session --- Linkin' Park) 

#1640.  Kevin Is Slow (Seven Below --- Phish)

#1641.  Josh Brecheen (Tangerine --- Led Zeppelin)

#1642.  Eli Crane (I'm Insane --- Ratt)

#1643.  Kevin's Blunders (Seven Wonders --- Fleetwood Mac)

#1644.  Kevin (Heaven --- Stryper)

#1645.  Harmeet's Shitty (Heartbeat City --- The Cars)

#1646.  Trump Is A Fucking Cunt (I Don't Believe In Love --- Queensryche)

#1647.  Gosar Isn't Smart (Closer To The Heart --- Rush)

#1648.  Stormy's Boobs Are Fake (Every Breath You Take --- The Police)

#1649.  Donald's Well Done Steak (Every Breath You Take --- The Police)

#1650.  Speaker Kevin (Tears In Heaven --- Eric Clapton)

#1651.  Donald Trump's A Fat Fucking Clown (Santa Claus Is Coming To Town --- Bruce Springsteen)

#1652.  Paul A. Gosar (One Step Closer --- Linkin' Park)

#1653.  Pete Ricketts Is Far Right (2 Minutes To Midnight --- Iron Maiden)

#1654.  Donald Trump's A Piece Of Shit Who's Tragic (Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic --- The Police)

#1655.  Wet Dreams (Of DeSantis) (Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This) --- Marilyn Manson))

#1656.  Cox (Clocks --- Coldplay)

#1657.  Burgum's Very Obscene (Welcome To The Machine --- Pink Floyd)

#1658.  Comer's In Charge (Homer & Marge --- Weird Al Yankovic)

#1659.  Trump Is A Child (Born To Be Wild --- Steppenwolf)

#1660.  Kosher Kushner Is A Jew (I Was Made For Lovin' You  --- Kiss)

#1661.  The Orange Prolapse (The Kids Are Back --- Twisted Sister)

#1662.  The Yeast (The Beast --- Twisted Sister)

#1663.  Inglorious (Notorious --- Duran Duran)

#1664.  Sears (Years --- Stone Temple Pilots)

#1665.  Good Crimes Bad Crimes (Good Times Bad Times --- Led Zeppelin)

#1666.  Black Diamond (Black Diamond --- Kiss)

#1667.  Alec R. Baldwin (Riding On The Wind --- Judas Priest)

#1668.  Greene Lies (Green Eyes --- Coldplay)

#1669.  Hardaway's Name Was Diamond (Shine On You Crazy Diamond --- Pink Floyd)

#1670.  Jerry Moran (Mr. Sandman --- The Chordettes)

#1671.  Coup D'Etat For You (Can't Stand Losing You --- The Police)

#1672.  Alec Baldwin (Against The Wind --- Bob Seger)

#1673.  Alec Baldwin (Dust In The Wind --- Kansas)

#1674.  A Jew (Fix You --- Coldplay)

#1675.  Violent Stupidity (Silent Lucidity --- Queensryche)

#1676.  Fry Is A Liar (Eye Of The Tiger --- Survivor)

#1677.  Netanyahu (Deep Elem Blues --- Grateful Dead)

#1678.  Cocky Brady (Foxy Lady --- Jimi Hendrix)

#1679.  Throwing Stones (Casey Jones --- Grateful Dead)

#1680.  Chinese Spy Balloon: Truth Social Words (Fly Me To The Moon: In Other Words --- Frank Sinatra)

#1681.  China Balloon (Jealous Buffoon --- AWOLNATION)

Please do not share this material with anyone in the China espionage biz and/or former President Donald J. Trump.