#417. Buccos What The Fuck

I was down by PNC Park yesterday afternoon and this dude handed me a freebie upper deck ticket to the game against the Cubs.  

Beautiful weather for a matinee game.  They used to call these games a "Gentleman's Special."  But cancel culture has had enough with that woke bullshit.  And I am by no means... a gentleman.

So I hustled back to my vehicle, stashed my backpack, and snagged a readimade Long Island Iced Tea drink for the walk back to the ballpark.  Which incidentally, was really disgusting.  Never, under any circumstances, purchase this product.

So this would be my first Pirates game since September 17, 2019 (fun in the age of Covid).  Not to quote Nickleback or Staind or whoever the fuck.  But let's just say "it's been awhile."

So I'm relishing this Long Island Iced Tea drink which tastes like sweet, pureed, outdated relish.  And I'm sitting by my lonesome in the Residence Inn courtyard across from the home plate entrance when my buddy Roger walks by with his friend Eric.  Roger had some minor email discrepancy and had to go to the ticket window.  By the time we walk into the park it's the top of the 4th.  We grabbed a few seats in the outfield.  

Little did we know that we had just missed what's now being categorized as "the worst defensive play" in the history of Major League Baseball.  Hysterical!  In the previous inning, all first baseman Will Craig had to do... was tag the base or merely just stand in the way of Cubs Javy Baez and eventually get the force out.  He could have stood there for days and held a doctoral dissertation about the awkward history of MLB errors during the past 35 years.  Since the infamous Bill Buckner ball thru his legs moment.  Which marked the World Series collapse of the 1986 Boston Red Sox.  That moment is now officially number two.... as in dump.

So we hit the center outfield riverwalk and stop to take in the afternoon skyline.  The Pirates score a solo home run and the ball lands about 25 feet from us.  Then, less than a minute later, another solo home run drops about 50 feet from us.  At this point, I'm totally convinced that Pirates owner Bob Nutting is trying to kill me via blunt force baseball to the head trauma.  One hell of a coincidence.  Because if you go back in time, say four years, well you could make the argument that I started it.  

 

Buccos What The Fuck
sonofsaf

Well, baby got back goods, like Heather Stollar
Works for Nutting and the almighty dollar
Maybe our team’s too white
Never seem to get it right
PNC Park should
Field a winner
All of the players on a red blood thinner
‘Cause we all prayin’ on our hands and knees
Every time you turn on the tv

Buccos, what the fuck?  These Pirates suck
Reminds me of an orange clown
Bargain players in a major town
Mark Madden the show’s on his phone
Tweetin’ twitter alone
It’s called the Bucco Roundup
Buccos what the fuck

Yinzer fans, they is hittin’ up the crack
Losers all the while
Pops is never comin’ back
Hey, maybe who’s to blame
Bob a little Nutting is the one to shame
Oliver Onion
Pizza Penny
Sauerkraut Saul
Once was a party
Never known to pick a fight
Whoever they play is outta site

Buccos, what the fuck?  These Pirates suck
Reminds me of an orange clown
Bargain players in a major town
Mark Madden the show’s on his phone
Tweetin’ twitter alone
It’s called the Bucco Roundup
Buccos what the fuck

Buccos, what the fuck?  These Pirates suck
Reminds me of an orange clown
Bargain players in a major town
Mark Madden the show’s on his phone
Tweetin’ twitter alone
It’s called the Bucco Roundup
Buccos what the fuck

Buccos what the fuck
Buccos what the fuck
Buccos what the fuck

 

Hillbilly Deluxe
Brooks and Dunn

Well, up in the backwoods, down in the holler
Old boy feeling like a dog on a collar
Keepin' that chain hold tight
Waiting on Saturday night
Put on the smell good
Put on Skynyrd
Head into town like a Nascar winner
Cruisin' back and forth to the Tasty Freeze
Everywhere you look all you see is

Hillbilly deluxe, slick pick up trucks
Big timing in a small town
Stirrin' it up right about sundown
Black denim and chrome to the bone
With a little homegrown
Country girl cuddled up
Hillbilly deluxe

Couple kids, sweet thing driving a fast back
Shoot 'em a coon smile
Hoping that they smile back
Hey, baby, what's your name?
Burn a little rubber when the red light change
Here come the blue light
Here come Barney
Hide all the beer y'all
Let's move the party
Gotta go but that's alright
Do it all again next Friday night

Hillbilly deluxe, slick pick up trucks
Big timing in a small town
Stirrin' it up right about sundown
Black denim and chrome to the bone
With a little homegrown
Country girl cuddled up
Hillbilly deluxe

Hillbilly deluxe, slick pick up trucks
Big timing in a small town
Stirrin' it up right about sundown
Black denim and chrome to the bone
With a little homegrown
Country girl cuddled up
Hillbilly deluxe

Hillbilly deluxe
Hillbilly deluxe
Hillbilly deluxe 

 

The Chicago Cubs swept the three game series (4-3, 4-1, 5-3). 

Brooks & Dunn: 

9-3-05, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

6-9-07, Heinz Field, Pittsburgh, PA (opened for Bon Jovi)

Please do not share this information with Pirates owner Bob Nutting, Pirates first baseman Will Craig, and/or Cubs shortstop Javy Baez.