#416. Divorce From My Wife

In America... there is 1 divorce approximately every 36 seconds. That's nearly 2,400 divorces per day.  16,800 divorces per week.  876,000 divorces a year.  The divorce rate for a first marriage is around 41%. The divorce rate is 60% for a second marriage and 73% for a third.

You gotta love those women who've been divorced more than 5 times.  Embracing romance and repeatedly catching that love bug... as if it were akin to the China virus.

Nadye Suleman a/k/a Octomom

In my admittedly delusional world, I'd like to see Octomom, who now has 14 kids, get a minimum of 8 divorces.  As of today, she has just a single divorce under her belt.  Only one.  And yes, I realize life is hectic, especially with juggling 14 kids and all.  Trust me.  But hey, it's never too early to get a head start.  I just don't think it's asking too much.  For the sake of posterity.  For the sake of humanity.

 

Divorce From My Wife
sonofsaf

My spouse she doesn’t make me proud
Our love needs to be disallowed
Wo-o-o-o-o-oh, wo-o-o-o-o-oh
It’s not as though I hope she dies
I glance at others all the time
Wo-o-o-o-o-oh, wo-o-o-o-o-oh

My marriage was a setback
Woah, there’s gonna be a break up
No, please don't have a cow

I am gonna get a divorce from my wife
My wi-i-i-i-i-ife
I am gonna get a divorce from my wife
My wi-i-i-i-i-ife

My attorney will defend
Your affairs were a cheating sin
Wo-o-o-o-o-oh, wo-o-o-o-o-oh
And all of the hostilities
You failed to pay utilities
Wo-o-o-o-o-oh, wo-o-o-o-o-oh

My marriage was a setback
Woah, there’s gonna be a break up
No, please don't have a cow

I am gonna get a divorce from my wife
My wi-i-i-i-i-ife
I am gonna get a divorce from my wife
My wi-i-i-i-i-ife

No more stonewalling Splitsville tomorrow
Your love was a black hole (hole)
Fatigue from all of the fights
I can almost see the light
Our love was never whole (whole)

I am gonna get a divorce from my wife
My wi-i-i-i-i-ife
I am gonna get a divorce from my wife
My wi-i-i-i-i-ife
I am gonna get, I am gonna get, I am gonna get
A divorce from my wife
Wedding ring’s a cover up, holier than thou
I am gonna get a divorce from my wife
My wi-i-i-i-i-ife

Best Day of My Life
American Authors

I had a dream so big and loud
I jumped so high I touched the clouds
Wo-o-o-o-o-oh, wo-o-o-o-o-oh
I stretched my hands out to the sky
We danced with monsters through the night
Wo-o-o-o-o-oh, wo-o-o-o-o-oh

I'm never gonna look back
Woah, never gonna give it up
No, please don't wake me now

This is gonna be the best day of my life
My li-i-i-i-i-ife
This is gonna be the best day of my life
My li-i-i-i-i-ife

I howled at the moon with friends
And then the sun came crashing in
Wo-o-o-o-o-oh, wo-o-o-o-o-oh
But all the possibilities
No limits just epiphanies
Wo-o-o-o-o-oh, wo-o-o-o-o-oh

I'm never gonna look back
Woah, never gonna give it up
No, just don't wake me now

This is gonna be the best day of my life
My li-i-i-i-i-ife
This is gonna be the best day of my life
My li-i-i-i-i-ife

I hear it calling outside my window
I feel it in my soul (soul)
The stars were burning so bright
The sun was out 'til midnight
I say we lose control (control)

This is gonna be the best day of my life
My li-i-i-i-i-ife
This is gonna be the best day of my life
My li-i-i-i-i-ife
This is gonna be, this is gonna be, this is gonna be
The best day of my life
Everything is looking up, everybody up now
This is gonna be the best day of my life
My li-i-i-i-i-ife

The band American Authors has been to Star Lake twice.  In 2014 and 2017.  Missed 'em both times.  No hard feelings, eh?  "Best Day Of My Life" has got to be one of the most overplayed tunes of the last decade.  It really puts the "hip" in, uh... fall and break your hip.  Kinda like a 1980's rendition of Sussudio. 

Feel free to share this material with any man who's in the process of getting a divorce.  This particular parody could possess unusually widespread karaoke potential.