#400. Cracker Thune Is White

Yesterday, when pressed about the January 6 insurrection, Senate Minority Whip John Thune released a carefully scripted statement.

“I want our midterm message to be on the kinds of things that the American people are dealing with: That's jobs and wages and the economy and national security, safe streets and strong borders -- not relitigating the 2020 elections.  A lot of our members, and I think this is true of a lot of House Republicans, want to be moving forward and not looking backward.  Anything that gets us rehashing the 2020 elections I think is a day lost on being able to draw a contrast between us and the Democrats' very radical left-wing agenda."

Looks like Whip John Thune is putting on his thinking cap... er, uh... MAGA ball cap.

In the old Republican party, Thune was a voice for pragmatic conservatism and sensible moderation.  He was viewed as a relatively reasonable politician.  At times even a presidential contender.  But now, he's nothing more than another sycophantic stooge for the Orange Prolapse.  As the Whip, Thune's supposed to speak for the party when Senate Minority Leader Bitch McConnell is absent (probably getting that long anticipated "ball sack makeover/reconstructive surgery).

Jerry: Hey, do you know what the whip does?   

Kramer: What whip?   

Jerry: The whip in the Senate, in the House.

Kramer: Well, you know in the old days, when the senators didn't vote the way that the party leaders wanted 'em to... they whipped them. "You better vote the way we want you to, or there's gonna be big trouble. [whip sound]"

This parody is dedicated to the Starlight Vocal Band's #1 fan... "Can I Get A Witness" a/k/a "Niffer Beth."

Cracker Thune Is White
sonofsaf

Gonna vote no maybe, gonna be alright
Everyone says cracker Thune is white
The Proud Boys always say when yer white, yer right
You’re playin’ second fiddle to a warm Bud Light
Orange Prolapsin’s lil rounder cummin’ out to play
And we know that nobody gives a fuck about what you say

Strokin’ Donald’s ego through the god damn night
Honky coward is so brittle cracker Thune is white
Crackin’ skulls and bones together makes me feel just right
And the thought of whipping you is sounding so inviting
Why won’t he just fight
Cracker Thune is white
Cracker Thune is white
Cracker Thune is white

South Dakota's population is not very bright
I only have one wish that can’t be taught you do what’s right
But you’ve got him masturbatin’ and his penis is a shrivelin’
He’s brittle cracker Thune is white
Why won't he just fight
Cracker Thune is white
Cracker Thune is white
Cracker Thune is white

Don’t be hatin’ on me, baby, because Trump’s a clown
We could change a lotta votin’ when machines aren’t sound

Strokin’ Donald’s ego through the god damn night
Honky coward is so brittle cracker Thune is white
Crackin’ skulls and bones together makes me feel just right
And the thought of whipping you is sounding so inviting
Why won't he just fight
Cracker Thune is white
Cracker Thune is white
Cracker Thune is white

Cracker Thune is white!

Afternoon Delight
Starland Vocal Band

Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight
Gonna grab some afternoon delight
My motto's always been 'when it's right, it's right'
Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?
When everything's a little clearer in the light of day
And we know the night is always gonna be there any way

Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite
Looking forward to a little afternoon delight
Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite
And the thought of lovin' you is getting so exciting
Sky rockets in flight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight

Started out this morning feeling so polite
I always though a fish could not be caught who wouldn't bite
But you've got some bait a waitin' and I think I might try nibbling
A little afternoon delight
Sky rockets in flight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight

Please be waiting for me, baby, when I come around
We could make a lot of lovin' 'for the sun goes down

Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite
Looking forward to a little afternoon delight
Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite
And the thought of lovin' you is getting so exciting
Sky rockets in flight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight

Afternoon delight!

 

Normally, I'd try to find a live version.  But the video truly does the song justice with its mid-70's vibe.  Starland Vocal Band's original name was "Fat City."  From a marketing perspective, I guess that was a slight improvement.  I suppose.

Never seen 'em.  Beyond a lip sync appearance on the Merv Griffin Show, I don't think they toured much.

Please do not share this material with Senate Minority Whip John Thune (R-SD), former President Donald J. Trump, and/or those who willingly engage in coitus during the middle of the day.