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Over Memorial Day weekend, disgraced former General Michael Flynn showed up at a Q-Anon conference in Dallas, Texas.
Several months ago, Flynn flashes a coy grin after receiving a presidential pardon from the Orange Prolapse.
Flynn was asked during a Q&A session: “I want to know why what happened in Myanmar can’t happen
here?” (referring to a military coup)
After cheers from the crowd died down, Flynn responded: “No reason. I mean, it should happen here.”
General Flynn sonofsaf
“General Flynn thinks that Q-Anon’s real, cause he hates democracy and Trump’s the real deal. Michael Flynn’s a traitor, it’s the Q-Anon steal.”
“Election was stolen, and all that jive, everything’s a show, you’ll never realize.”
Tato Skins Keebler
“Tato skins got baked potato appeal, cause they’re made with potatoes and skins that are real. Tato skins from Keebler, baked potato appeal!”
“Cheddar cheese and bacon, sour cream and chives, tasty baked potatoes you won’t believe your eyes.”
As far as the salty snack chip category goes, I've never cared much for Tato Skins. Much like those "house made chips" served at various diners in lieu of french fries, they're just a little too burnt for my tastes. I recommend Clancy's brand from Aldi. They're slightly superior to Lays if you can believe it. And of course the indomitably synthetic Munchos... a sodium chloride bonanza striaght outta Casa Grande, Arizona.
Please do not share this information with General Michael Flynn, former President Donald J. Trump, and/or Keebler Elves.
These two cunt-servative Midwest clowns invoke very specific imagery.
(Lesser
known Congressman Greg Pence (R-IN) is on the left. They rarely take
pictures together because they don't wish to be perceived as a political
dynasty. Yeah, right! Good luck now assholes.)
Anyhoo, here's what cums to mind...
A.
A Sunday morning "going out of business, early bird white sale" at JC
Penney. Sheets, pillow cases, various Klan accessories.
B. The
biggest sycophantic stooge in the history of American politics. I'm
talkin' the former Veep. Nobody knows or remotely cares about his
brotherly fuck.
C. Some kind of born-again hot dog weenie roast featuring the Chrisagis Brothers of Tiltonsville, OH.
D.
Fuck option D. What the fuck is this?!? Where the hell are these two
honkies from? Philly??? The city of brotherly love? Uh, no.
Columbus... Indiana.
Seriously, the Orange Prolapse releases
an artificially generated stampede on his very own Vice President.
Replete with an all-out bloodthirsty riot, "Hang Mike Pence" chants, the
works. Then, months later, loving brother Gregory votes against
a bilateral 1-6 commission/investigation. In essence, saying to fellow
brother Mike, you're not even worthy of an incestuous relationship.
Talk about literally hanging your brother out to sexually dry. That's
how seriously fucked up this shit is.
And THAT, in a nutshell...
is the Republican party in the year of 2021. And beyond. Well, at
least until you can maneuver a forcible retraction of the Orange
Prolapse. But trust me, it's gonna be hangin' out for a long time.
Dedicated to Helio Castroneves. Great 4th Indy 500 win today.
In
the wake of the recent Republican Senate Minority "Dred Scott" vote to
nix the 1-6 bipartisan commission, your vibrant celebration was just
what our country needed. Especially straight outta the heartland of
central Indiana. Kudos!
I doubt any Republican Senators
watched it. Although I'm sure they'd tweet about it if it served their
purpose. Too bad the winner wasn't a guy named Ricky Bobby McBooger.
Mike Pence Is Not A Top Banana sonofsaf
Mike Pence is not a top banana But the ultimate honky The Vice President’s skin is god damn white Through sycophancy for thee The Orange Prolapse was filled with nonsense His White House no longer home When I cream at the prospect of being white trash Then my best friends will hang me by the throat
Mike Pence is not a top banana But the ultimate honky The Vice President’s skin is god damn white Through sycophancy for thee The Orange Prolapse was filled with nonsense His White House no longer home When I cream at the prospect of being white trash Then my best friends will hang me by the throat
Back Home Again in Indiana Straight No Chaser
Back home again in Indiana And it seems that I can see The gleaming candlelight still shining bright Through the sycamores for me The new mown hay sends all its fragrance From the fields I used to roam When I dream about the moonlight on the Wabash Then I long for my Indiana home
Back home again in Indiana And it seems that I can see The gleaming candlelight still shining bright Through the sycamores for me The new mown hay sends all its fragrance From the fields I used to roam When I dream about the moonlight on the Wabash Then I long for my Indiana home
Mason
and I saw the Rolling Stones at the Indy Motor Speedway (July 4th
weekend of 2015). Fun concert. Weak tailgating. Free tickets. In
fact, I think we made an $160 extra or so. Never been to a race there.
In fact, I have never been to an IRL event. Perhaps someday.
Please
do not share this material with Congressman Greg Pence (R-IN), former
Vice President Mike Pence (R-IN), former President Donald J. Trump,
and/or any Indy Racing League fans.
Next weekend is Pittsburgh gay pride (June 4-6, 2021). It'll be the first major "post-Covid" outdoor downtown parade.
So here's to the Pittsburgh LGBT... and yes, Q, population. Take it for what you will.
Wish You Were Queer sonofsaf
So, so can you fuck an ass well Anal is swell Wet cunt refrain A tossed salad’s a meal Some say the big fail Unless it has kale Do you think you can smell
Have you ever been laid A soiree needs hosts Get down on your knees Hot air from your ass please A dildo in range Too late to change All heteros I abhor I need a fifty shades of gay
Smells like fish, smells like fish steer clear dear We eat perch not sole Smokin’ pot out of bowls Beer after beer Rummaging through the lost and found Meat by the pound A few more beers Wish you were queer
Wish You Were Here Pink Floyd
So, so you think you can tell Heaven from hell? Blue skies from pain? Can you tell a green field From a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil? Do you think you can tell?
Did they get you to trade Your heroes for ghosts? Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze? Cold comfort for change? Did you exchange A walk-on part in the war For a leading role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here We're just two lost souls Swimming in a fish bowl Year after year Running over the same old ground What have we found? The same old fears Wish you were here
Pink Floyd:
5-29-94, Ohio Stadium, Columbus, OH 5-31-94, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA
Roger Waters:
Roger Waters, 7-3-12, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA Roger Waters, 9-19-17, PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, PA
Australian Pink Floyd:
12-5-07, Benedum Center, Pittsburgh, PA (Thanks B. Good time.)
Brit Floyd:
8-28-15, Stage AE, Pittsburgh, PA 4-12-17, Benedum Center, Pittsburgh, PA
As a little kid, I played Pong, Atari and some crap space landing simulation on a Commodore Vic 20. And as a teenager, I used to play the arcade games. All the classics. Pac Man, Donkey Kong, Joust. And my favorites --- Asteroids, Frogger, Birdie King. So glad I grew out of that phase and replaced it with a more "manly" selection of arcade games. That being foosball and dome hockey.
I don't have much sympathy for the video gaming lifestyle. Seriously, get a fucking life and go outdoors. Even maybe head to Bed Bath & Beyond and buy a loofah or something. Smoke a cigarette. Get tortured and killed by a cop. Anything.
Just don't sit there in a recliner pressing buttons. Wow, you made it to level 17 and nearly acquired the platinum goblet... armed with only a super soaker and a tree branch. Wow, you totally obliterated some 14 year old Mormon kid named Gavin in Provo, Utah... and then trash talked him to the point of tears. Yeah, the whole video gaming industry just doesn't do it for me.
Bad PlayStation sonofsaf
I-I hate the cultural lack of care And the way it interferes with Christian prayer You can’t get with the pretty girls Masturbate and shoot your semen anywhere
I'm playin’ the bad PlayStation It’s lowering expectations (Oom bop bop) I'm playin’ the bad PlayStation (oom bop bop, bad PlayStation) It’s lowering expectations (oom bop, bop expectations) Bad, bad, bad, baaad PlayStation (oom bop, bop) It’s lowering expectations (oom bop, bop expectations) Bad, bad, bad, baaad PlayStation (oom bop, bop) It’s lowering expectations (ooh bop, bop, expectations)
Humanize, go outside anyhow All the while, you’re losing your own mind When a part of you dies You don’t see it in your gaming world
I'm playin’ the bad PlayStation It’s lowering expectations (Oom bop bop) I'm playin’ the bad PlayStation (oom bop bop, bad PlayStation) It’s lowering expectations (oom bop, bop expectations) Bad, bad, bad, baaad PlayStation (oom bop, bop) It’s lowering expectations (oom bop, bop expectations) Bad, bad, bad, baaad PlayStation (oom bop, bop) It’s lowering expectations (ooh bop, bop, expectations)
(Butt) (Butt, more more, a sensation) And I don’t care but it’s truth or dare (Butt more, more, the information) (Butt more, more, the sensation) (Butt, more, more, fuck)
Gotta play that hatin’ bad PlayStation Gotta play that hatin’ bad PlayStation the fattening’s impure Gotta play that hatin’ bad PlayStation the fattening’s
(Ahh)
Bad, bad, bad, baaad PlayStation (Oom bop, bop) (I'm playin’ the bad PlayStation) (Oom bop bop) It’s lowering expectations (Expectations, oom bop bop) Bad, bad, bad, baaad PlayStation
Na na na na na, na na na Na na na na na, na na na (Bop bop-bop-bop-bop, bop) Do do do do do, do do do (Bop bop-bop-bop-bop, bop) Do do do do do, do do do (Bop bop-bop-bop-bop, bop)
Good Vibrations The Beach Boys
I-I love the colorful clothes she wears And the way the sunlight plays upon her hair I hear the sound of a gentle word On the wind that lifts her perfume through the air
I'm pickin' up good vibrations She's giving me excitations (Oom bop bop) I'm pickin' up good vibrations (Good vibrations, oom bop bop) She's giving me excitations (Excitations, oom bop bop) Good, good, good, good vibrations (Oom bop bop) She's giving me excitations (Excitations, oom bop bop) Good, good, good, good vibrations (Oom bop bop) She's giving me excitations (Excitations)
Close my eyes, she's somehow closer now Softly smile, I know she must be kind When I look in her eyes She goes with me to a blossom world
I'm pickin' up good vibrations She's giving me excitations (Oom bop bop) I'm pickin' up good vibrations (Good vibrations, oom bop bop) She's giving me excitations (Excitations, oom bop bop) Good, good, good, good vibrations (Oom bop bop) She's giving me excitations (Excitations, oom bop bop) Good, good, good, good vibrations (Oom bop bop) She's giving me excitations (Excitations)
(Ahh) (Ah, my my, what elation) I don't know where but she sends me there (Oh, my my, what a sensation) (Oh, my my, what elation) (Oh, my my, what)
Gotta keep those lovin' good vibrations a-happenin' with her Gotta keep those lovin' good vibrations a-happenin' with her Gotta keep those lovin' good vibrations a-happenin'
(Ahh)
Good, good, good, good vibrations (Oom bop bop) (I'm pickin' up good vibrations) (Oom bop bop) She's giving me excitations (Excitations, oom bop bop) Good, good, good, good vibrations
Na na na na na, na na na Na na na na na, na na na (Bop bop-bop-bop-bop, bop) Do do do do do, do do do (Bop bop-bop-bop-bop, bop) Do do do do do, do do do (Bop bop-bop-bop-bop, bop)
The Beach Boys were inducted into the Rock'n'Roll Hall of Fame in 1988.
In terms of national recording artists, The Beach Boys have played Pittsburgh more often than any band I know of. 49 times. Whew! I think I saw them open for Chicago at Star Lake one time back in the late 90's. But I may have been on acid and it was probably some kind of cabana wearing Jimmy Buffett crowd along with a Sha Na Na cover band in the parking lot. Please forgive the confusion.
Do not share this material with anyone who plays video games.
Republican Texas Governor Greg Abbott just signed some of the most restrictive voter legistration into law. The question is why. Here's your answer. In 1984, an oak tree fell on Greg Abbott. He has used a wheelchair ever since. Now, in a desperate attempt to overcome the crippling decades of emasculation, he sucks up to the likes of the Donald Trump and the rag-tag domestic terrorist/insurrectionist/buffoonish base of the Republican party. Say what you will, but this is exactly how Greg derives his mojo.
Feckless Texan gubernatorial bitch pays homage to the Orange Prolapse
Greg Lost His Mojo sonofsaf
Greg lost his mojo Greg lost his mojo Greg lost his mojo Greg lost his mojo A tree fell on his back We won’t cut him any flack Voter suppression’s whack That Greg did lack the mojo cack blow
Greg lost his mojo Greg lost his mojo Greg lost his mojo Greg lost his mojo
The dream, of the right, let's fuck Greg Abbott alright! The dream, of the right, let's fuck Greg Abbott alright!
Greg lost, gonna cry, has no mojo, Texas crime
Egg Raid On Mojo Beastie Boys
Egg raid on Mojo Egg raid on Mojo Egg raid on Mojo Egg raid on Mojo We dressed all in black We snuck up around the back We began to attack The eggs did crack on Mojo's back go
Egg raid on Mojo Egg raid on Mojo Egg raid on Mojo Egg raid on Mojo
Don't scream, gonna fight, let's have an egg raid tonight Don't scream, gonna fight, let's have an egg raid tonight
Egg raid, gonna' die, beat up Mojo, all the time
Beastie Boys:
8-14-98, CSU Convocation Center, Cleveland, OH
Only saw the Beastie Boys once. Definitely one of my Top 10 shows. The energy level on the stage, and and in the crowd, was off the hook. Interesting tidbit --- If you take a look at the 1998 "Hello Nasty" setlists, they're all over the place. Kudos to the Beasties for bringing a pseudo Grateful Dead-like approach to a world class arena tour.
Please do not share this material with Governor Greg Abbott (R-TX) and/or former President Donald J. Trump.
Mask shamers. Asian haters (but General Tso lovers). Fox News junkies. Tucker Carlson enthusiasts. Orange Prolapse fanatics. Marjorie Taylor Greene donors. Matt Gaetz slicksters. And so on and so forth.
However, I will concede... I do think society will one day look back on the "outdoor mask wearing phenomenon," particularly while exercising (walking, jogging, riding a bike, etc.), as a trend that bordered on absolute lunacy. Followed closely by that bizarre, universal restaurant policy which took hold. You must wear a mask to enter but may remove it the second you've been seated. You know, because at some point, it becomes necessary to put the food and/or beverage into your mouth.
The strangest of them all though is probably the solo masked up drivers cruising down the interstate with their windows down. Then again, those could be Uber/Lyft drivers and it's a condition of employment.
You’re Not Immune sonofsaf
Covid is violence China doesn’t give a shite Fauci is toiling He was burned by the far right The breathless sound from respirator Do not guffaw or you’ll succumb
You’re not immune
Lungs lined with cement Oxygen is what you crave Trump’s not in prison What the fucks that really say Spoke to a priest but his ass was sore Do not guffaw or you’ll succumb
You’re not immune Hey, yeah You’re not immune
You need to hit the gym You’re fat and lame And the Orange Prolapse was a con (con) In Stormy Daniels hell - it’s not as fun His dick was short it wasn’t long Not long
Oh yeah, baby
Why would you oppose Losing sense of taste and smell Deadly sins seven Time to say your last farewell
Spoke to a priest but his ass was sore Do not guffaw or you’ll succumb You’re not immune. Hey, yeah You’re not immune Hey, yeah You’re not immune Whoa Whoa Yeah, You’r not immune (Howls)
Bark At The Moon Ozzy Osbourne
Screams break the silence / Covid is violence Waking from the dead of night Vengence is boiling He's returned to kill the light Then when he's found who he's looking for Listen in awe and you'll hear him
Bark at the moon
Years spent in torment Buried in a nameless grave Now he has risen Miracles would have to save Those that the beast is looking for Listen in awe and you'll hear him
Bark at the moon Hey, yeah Bark at the moon
They cursed and buried him Along with shame And thought his timeless soul had gone (gone) In empty burning hell - unholy one But he's returned to prove them wrong So wrong
Oh yeah, baby
Howling in shadows Living in a lunar spell He finds his heaven Spewing from the mouth of hell
Those that the beast is looking for Listen in awe and you'll hear him Bark at the moon. Hey, yeah Bark at the moon Hey, yeah Bark at the moon Whoa Whoa Yeah, Bark at the moon (Howls)
Favorite Ozzy studio album? Gotta go with Bark At The Moon. Hand down. Just too many classics with zero filler. Ultimate Sin is #2. Mankind should pay tribute to mid-80's Ozzy. Speaking of Tribute, that one would likely round out my top 3. Although whoever was responsible for mixing that live recording did a pretty shitty job. Just sounds way too low and muddy. What a shame.
Please do not share this material with those impacted by the China virus.
I usually make a concerted effort to avoid parodying the same song. However, after a mentally exhausting 4 years of the Orange Prolapse (This Was A Song of Hate), I've decided to make an exception. In fact I might shoot for a Lee Greenwood "special edition limited series"... grounded in everything offensive.
This time it's about proctology. Next up I'm thinking pornography (I'll Fuck Your Ass Today).
You’ll Take A Shit Today sonofsaf
If tomorrow your butthole felt wrong, And you couldn’t tell your wife. Butt your colon I’ll defend, Through all the agony and strife.
I saw the color orange, Prolapse cumming out to play. And the murky glaze of semen, Anal cream pie all the way.
And I'm proud to be a proctologist, Stool softener should be free. And I won't neglect an ass unwiped, Regardless he or she. And you’ll get a push pop, Up your ass and we’ll pretend it’s a-okay. 'Cause there ain't no doubt I’ll make you crap, You’ll take a shit today.
Asshole I’d like to know ya, Oh the balls for you and me. Prefer my asses chapless, For everyone to see.
So everybody’s got one, They’re gaping so they say. When your partner wants to rip it all apart, Doesn’t matter if you’re gay.
And I'm proud to be a proctologist, Stool softener should be free. And I won't neglect an ass unwiped, Regardless he or she. And you’ll get a push pop, Up your ass and we’ll pretend it’s a-okay. 'Cause there ain't no doubt I’ll make you crap, You’ll take a shit today.
And I'm proud to be a proctologist, Stool softener should be free. And I won't neglect an ass unwiped, Regardless he or she. And you’ll get a push pop, Up your ass and we’ll pretend it’s a-okay. 'Cause there ain't no doubt I’ll make you crap, You’ll take a shit today.
God Bless The U.S.A. Lee Greenwood
If tomorrow all my things were gone, I'd worked for all my life. And I had to start again, With just my children and my wife.
I'd thank my lucky stars, To be livin' here today. 'Cause the flag still stands for freedom, And they can't take that away.
And I'm proud to be an American, Where at least I know I'm free. And I won't forget the men who died, Who gave that right to me. And I gladly stand up, Next to you and defend her still today. 'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land, God bless the USA.
From the lakes of Minnesota, To the hills of Tennessee. Across the plains of Texas, From sea to shining sea.
From Detroit down to Houston, And New York to L.A. Well there's pride in every American heart, And its time we stand and say.
That I'm proud to be an American, Where at least I know I'm free. And I wont forget the men who died, Who gave that right to me. And I gladly stand up, Next to you and defend her still today. 'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land, God bless the USA.
And I'm proud to be an American, Where at least I know I'm free. And I wont forget the men who died, Who gave that right to me. And I gladly stand up, Next to you and defend her still today. 'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land, God bless the USA.
I actually met Lee Greenwood awhile ago (guessing 2005 or 2006). He was performing at the Super Hole of Cunt Tree Music. Yep. Jamboree in the Hills over in Morristown, Ohio. I was milling around backstage doing the limo gig. Just for the record, he was actually very humble. Pleasant and engaging.
However, if I had known that an Orange Prolapse would come along and endlessly exploit his patriotic dribble to the detriment of America, I most certainly would've said something. Future hindsight's 20/20 I suppose.
Please do not share this material with Lee Greenwood and/or proctologists.
If you plan on navigating the treacherous U.S. Southern border, may I suggest singing this inspirational parody of the same name.
Immigrant Song sonofsaf
Ah-ah, ah! Ah-ah, ah!
We come from a land known as Mexico Soccer’s so much fun but your football blows We do not seek applause We just need a helping hand Don’t cut the cord’n, let us die Border wall, we are running
Oh we sleep with Stormy whores There can be no way to make you adore
Ah-ah, ah! Ah-ah, ah!
We come from a land known as Mexico Soccer’s so much fun but your football blows The Orange Prolapse so mean His colon so much more The inflamed reddish hue is sore I know this sounds untoward
Oh we sleep with Stormy whores There can be no way to make you adore
So icing all the cops and Boston all the Bruins America’s not great they say despite the Orange Prolapse choosing
We come from the land of the ice and snow From the midnight sun where the hot springs flow The hammer of the gods Will drive our ships to new lands To fight the horde, sing and cry Valhalla, I am coming
On we sweep with threshing oar Our only goal will be the western shore
Ah-ah, ah! Ah-ah, ah!
We come from the land of the ice and snow From the midnight sun where the hot springs flow How soft your fields so green Can whisper tales of gore Of how we calmed the tides of war We are your overlords
On we sweep with threshing oar Our only goal will be the western shore
So now you'd better stop and rebuild all your ruins For peace and trust can win the day despite of all your losing
So now Senator Mitch McConnell has devolved into a Spineless McWorm? I'd like to see the Daily News continue in this direction. Take it to another level though. I'm thinking more broadly in terms of "white slime." I actually touched on this angle with a McDonald's pink slime parody back in early February.
I'd also settle for "Chinless Bitch" or a rambling intro at the mic... "It's Mitch from straight outta Kentucky... let's all give it up for Bitch McFucky"
Mitch sonofsaf
Frames are so wired, minority shit Just plays the long game deep He rarely gets fucked, ass hole impacted He is a real big geek
Who woulda thunk, he’s from Kentucky Committed to the far right Senator honky, food without season Mumble and act so shy
Yeah McConnell’s to blame He can relate like a kosher hog Yeah there can be no doubt His ass is farting louder and he’s shitting scum, alright
Yeah, you gotta lick it, wild, you suck my dick We’ll spill some blood, he’s the Mitch Yeah, you gotta lick it, wild, you suck my dick We’ll spill some blood, he’s the Mitch, alright
Actin’, T-Rexy, more like a dud In the toilet stall all night Playin’, runnin’ D.C., can’t get a hard on When will he see the light, alright
Yeah McConnell’s to blame He can relate like a kosher hog Yeah there can be no doubt His ass is farting louder and he’s shitting scum, alright
I want it, woo I said, hey, yeah, get alright now, get it Got to be Hey, I'll get alright now, get it Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, yeah Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, yeah Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, yeah Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, yeah, get on Hey, hey, hey
Bitch Rolling Stones
Feeling so tired, can't understand it Just had a fortnight's sleep I'm feeling so stuffed, I'm so distracted Ain't touched a thing all week
I'm feeling drunk, juiced up and sloppy Ain't touched a drink all night I'm feeling hungry, can't see the reason Just had a horse meat pie
Yeah when you call my name I salivate like a Pavlov dog Yeah when you lay me out My heart is beating louder than a big bass drum, alright
Yeah, you got to mix it, child, you got to fix It must be love, it's a bitch Yeah, you got to mix it, child, you got to fix It must be love, it's a bitch, alright
Sometimes, I'm sexy, move like a stud Like kicking the stall all night Sometimes, I'm so shy, got to be worked on Don't have no bark or bite, alright
Yeah, when you call my name I salivate like a Pavlov dog Yeah, when you lay me out My heart is bumping louder than a big bass drum, alright
I want it, woo I said, hey, yeah, get alright now, get it Got to be Hey, I'll get alright now, get it Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, yeah Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, yeah Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, yeah Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, yeah, get on Hey, hey, hey
Our 2020 summer Stones concert at Heinz Field was indefinitely postponed. Part of the Covid cancel culture. Pretty sure the Rolling Stones are done. I just can't envision them shredding the stage in 2022. Then again, you never know.
Rolling Stones:
9-29-94, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA
9-28-05, PNC Park, Pittsburgh, PA
6-20-15, Heinz Field, Pittsburgh, PA
7-4-15, Indianapolis Motor Speedway, Indianapolis, IN
Please do not share this information with U.S. Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY).
As you can see, the Pennsylvania line of demarcation for Sheetz and Wawa is just west of Harrisburg along the Lancaster > Reading > Allentown corridor. For this reason, if our state was to ever engage in a future civil war, I imagine the flashpoint will originate along Rt. 222. Think in terms of the neighboring hillbilly Hatfields and redneck McCoys. But with way more guns.
Red dots are Sheetz. Yellow dots are Wawa.
I'm only theorizing here. Mostly because the stark red/blue political divide will be on full display during the upcoming 2022 U.S. Senate race. Pencil-Tucky is the only state rated as a "cleartossup."
We'll be voting for Lt. Governor John Fetterman (D) in the primary.
If you run into Fetterman on the campaign trail, feel free to serenade him with this renegade version of "Wawa Ain't Sheetz."
Wawa Ain’t Sheetz sonofsaf
Wawa you shouldn’t be sellin’ cigarettes ‘Cause there is cancer in the real world But I’m hungry for chow I wanna Gobbler
The turnpike goes from east to west It’s all on yelp, foodie take the test Take it back from the start ‘Cause you know I ain’t playin’
The Sizzlis don’t have sauerkraut Breakfast bowls are what it’s all about At Sheetz you will pay less Don’t be a crybaby, please
Wawa ain’t Sheetz faith I’ll take a leap Wawa ain’t Sheetz, it’s not very cheap A Thanksgiving defined, I'm gonna eat The Gobbler, hmm I'm gonna eat The Gobbler, hmm
Rewarding on Tuesdays with free coffee Buy a muffin from the bakery Toss a salad tonight Sheetz you roll the dice
But their ice cream’s telling me to lick it up Online ordering, I gotta pick it up Just don’t have a cow with white or brown rice, please
Wawa ain’t Sheetz faith I’ll take a leap Wawa ain’t Sheetz, it’s not very cheap A Thanksgiving defined, I'm gonna eat The Gobbler, hmm I'm gonna eat The Gobbler, hmm
Philly, Philly is where I want to be City of Pittsburgh’s not for me Their balsamic dressing is wow ‘Cause keystone’s our blood Keystone’s our blood (our blood), so please (so)
Wawa ain’t Sheetz faith I’ll take a leap Wawa ain’t Sheetz, it’s not very cheap A Thanksgiving defined, I'm gonna eat The Gobbler, hm I'm gonna eat The Gobbler, ooh ooh
Wawa ain’t Sheetz faith I’ll take a leap Wawa ain’t Sheetz, it’s not very cheap Wawa ain’t Sheetz faith I’ll take a leap Wawa ain’t Sheetz, it’s not very cheap Wawa ain’t Sheetz (Oh, I'm gonna eat The Gobbler) Wawa ain’t Sheetz (Ooh) Wawa ain’t Sheetz (Don't stop killing me softly) Wawa ain’t Sheetz (I know I'm eating The Gobbler)
Papa Don’t Preach Madonna
Papa I know you're going to be upset 'Cause I was always your little girl But you should know by now I'm not a baby
You always taught me right from wrong I need your help, daddy please be strong I may be young at heart But I know what I'm saying
The one you warned me all about The one you said I could do without We're in an awful mess And I don't mean maybe, please
Papa don't preach I'm in trouble deep Papa don't preach, I've been losing sleep But I made up my mind, I'm keeping my baby, hm I'm gonna keep my baby, hm
He says that he's going to marry me We can raise a little family Maybe we'll be all right It's a sacrifice
But my friends keep telling me to give it up Saying I'm too young, I oughta live it up What I need right now is some good advice, please
Papa don't preach, I'm in trouble deep Papa don't preach, I've been losing sleep But I made up my mind, I'm keeping my baby, hm I'm gonna keep my baby, ooh ooh
Daddy, daddy if you could only see Just how good he's been treating me You'd give us your blessing right now 'Cause we are in love We are in love (in love), so please (so)
Papa don't preach, I'm in trouble deep Papa don't preach, I've been losing sleep But I made up my mind, I'm keeping my baby, hm I'm gonna keep my baby, ooh ooh
Papa don't preach, I'm in trouble deep Papa don't preach, I've been losing sleep Papa don't preach, I'm in trouble deep Papa don't preach, I've been losing sleep Papa don't preach (Oh, I'm gonna keep my baby) Papa don't preach (Ooh) Papa don't preach (Don't stop loving me daddy) Papa don't preach (I know I'm keeping my baby)
Madonna has been to Pittsburgh twice (1985 & 2012). As opposed to her 20 appearances in Philly. She obviously prefers hitting up the big cities and cashing in. Ka-Ching! With a net worth of 880 million, the Material Girl is closing in on billionaire status.
So Saf, what's your favorite Madonna song? Gotta go old school. Borderline, hands down.
Saf, of vastly greater importance... which is better? Wawa or Sheetz? The one thing I like about Sheetz... is that back in the mid 90's, when they started construction of their Southwest Air (LUV) terminal at the corner of National Rd and Route 88 in Wheeling, St. Vincent's Church across the street petitioned the city that the gas station would be an "eternal sacrilegious eyesore." Taking this into account, I'm gonna have to go with Sheetz.
Please do not share this information with the Sheetz family or executives of the Wild Goose Holding Co. (Wawa).
Idaho's Republican Governor Brad Little was recently out of state on a vacation in Helena, Montana. Where he frequented a whore house and had a brief affair with a prostitute coincidentally named Helen Smellin'. But that's neither here nor there.
While he was outta state, his Lt. Governor Janice McGeachin took it upon herself to lift the statewide mask mandate. Not to sound overly Ari Melberesque but.... Mother Janice, why ya buggin'?
Orange Prolapse BIG. Idaho Governor little
In a nutshell, Janice McGeachin just filed to run for Governor and essentially primary her fellow executive branch peer from the far right lane. She's gonna try and kung flu Brad's little ass!
Not to deliberately sound like an acutely annoying alternative Janice but...
Oh! My! God!
Governor Little sonofsaf
Governor Little McGeachin Governor Little Who is to blame Governor Little The job blows Governor Little A masking mandate
Governor Little Tension rose Governor Little A Covid lie Governor Little The crowd jeers Governor Little I create mayhem I create mayhem I create mayhem
Election nearer In the end Day’s drawing nearer The game of blame More of a riddle, For wise men Clown is a sinner Orange Prolapse you say
Give him the finger And heckle Trump’s hands are small Kiss his rear end Now Governor Little The crowd jeers Governor Little I can cause I can cause mayhem I can cause mayhem I can cause mayhem
Who’s to blame Who’s to blame Who’s to blame Who’s to blame A masking mandate A masking mandate Who’s to blame oh I can cause mayhem I can cause mayhem
Little by Little Robert Plant
Little by little My heart grieves Little by little I call your name Little by little My tears flow Little by little Everything changes
Little by little The time goes Little by little The days pass by Little by little The air clears Little by little I can breathe again I can breathe again I can breathe again I can breathe again
Back at the mirror Your good friend Talk to the mirror Play out the game Stop in the middle, I stop then Look at the winner And the price you pay
Cold was the winter I trembled Long was the fall That had no end Now little by little The air clears Little by little I can breathe I can breathe again I can breathe again I can breathe again
Call your name Call your name Call your name Call your name Everything changes Everything changes I call your name oh I can breathe again I can breathe again
Just for the record, there are a few unusual videos of a mid-80's, puffy shirted, Robert Plant lip-syncing "Little By Little" on youtube. They're all filmed at various studio wrestling-like television studios throughout Europe. I cannot, in good conscience, provide the links. You'll have to look for 'em on your own.
Robert Plant & Jimmy Page:
3-25-95, Civic Arena, Pittsburgh, PA
Please do not share this information with Governor Brad Little (R-ID), Lt. Governor Janice "Preachin" McGeachin (R-ID), and/or former President Donald J. Trump.
Keep in mind, this happened only a couple weeks after the deadly Mt. Meron stampede in Northern Israel. 45 dead, hundreds injured.
Followed by a hot war in Gaza.
Dedicated to Jeff Radosevich and his errant refrain while at the 19th Ho some 15 years ago.
This place is ass!
Bleacher Bleacher sonofsaf
Now you should care, this wasn’t fair Suddenly I heard them all screaming, yeah This place is ass, phyxiation Physics should be elementary Piss on me and shit on me It’s what happens when there’s a mass casualty
Bleacher! Bleacher! Can't you see I'm falling, falling? Oh, Bleacher! Bleacher! Is this blood I’m bleeding?
Orthodox God cast a pox I want a bagel with some fresh lox Don’t you know, yo, don’t you know ’Cause there’s a lot of blood and broken bones, ooh
Bleacher! Bleacher! Can't you see I'm falling, falling? Oh, Bleacher! Bleacher! Is this blood I’m bleeding?
Bleacher! Bleacher! Can't you see I'm falling, falling? Oh, Bleacher! Bleacher! Is this blood I’m bleeding?
Underneath the bleacher seats (underneath) Cannot pray that’s lame (cannot pray) Underneath metallurgy (underneath) Who’s gonna take the blame
Bleacher! Bleacher! Can't you see I'm falling, falling? Oh, Bleacher! Bleacher! Is this blood I’m bleeding?
Bleacher! Bleacher! Can't you see I'm falling, falling? Oh, Bleacher! Bleacher! Is this blood I’m bleeding?
Sharky Tank they will deceive Mister Wonderful is dead to me
Doctor Doctor Thomson Twins
I saw you there, just standing there And I thought I was only dreaming, yeah I kissed you then, then once again You said you would come and dance with me Dance with me across the sea And we can feel the motion of a thousand dreams
Doctor! Doctor! Can't you see I'm burning, burning Oh, Doctor! Doctor! Is this love I'm feeling?
Ships at night give such delight We all leave before the morning light Please don't go, no, please don't go 'Cause I don't want to stay here on my own, ooh
Doctor! Doctor! Can't you see I'm burning, burning Oh, Doctor! Doctor! Is this love I'm feeling?
Doctor! Doctor! Can't you see I'm burning, burning Oh, Doctor! Doctor! Is this love I'm feeling?
Fever breathe your love on me (breathe your love) Take away my name (take away) Fever lay your hands on me (breathe your love) I'll never be the same
Oh, Doctor! Doctor! Can't you see I'm burning, burning Oh, Doctor! Doctor! Is this love I'm feeling?
Doctor! Doctor! Can't you see I'm burning, burning Oh, Doctor! Doctor! Is this love I'm feeling?
Come with me and make believe We can travel to eternity
The Thompson Twins showed up in Pittsburgh 5 times throughout the 1980's. Didn't catch any of their shows. And from what I understand, these triplets were of no relation.
An albino woman, a lanky ginger, and the token black dude.
Please do not share this information with the ultra-Orthodox Jews of Givat Ze'ev.
Just when you think you've heard and seen it all, Kentucky Senator Rand Paul accuses 1980's pop music crooner Richard Marx of mailing him anthrax. Workers of the World Unite! Nice Fuckin' Life! (obligatory references to socialism and biological weaponry).
I have been targeted multiple times now, it is reprehensible that Twitter allows C-list celebrities to advocate for violence against me and my family!
Quote Tweet
Fox News
@FoxNews
Rand Paul receives death threat package with white powder and violent, profane wording https://fxn.ws/3fDEQ7I
Richard Marx sonofsaf
Rand Paul that name sounds gay Sometimes blows on a nigga keep it real You know what they say Pitchin’ not catchin’ on the field But the fetid Squalor’s not cool And he reeks of shit Crusted whore
Rand Paul has a plan Molesting itty bitty little girls With a dick in hand And he once sucked this haggard dude Merle Stop the stealing Orange Prolapse McDonald’s feeling Anthrax a la carte U.S. mail with a shart But the spores are not dark Cause it came from Richard Marx
Rand Paul that name sounds gay Sometimes blows on a nigga keep it real You know what they say Pitchin’ not catchin’ on the field But the fetid Squalor’s not cool And he reeks of shit Crusted whore Born in Wheeling was an ass Stop the stealing oh Orange Prolapse Royal crowning drink it fast
Tiny Spark Brendan Benson
I've always been this way Never known any other way to feel Got the right of way And all of the others must yield But I'm naked And I'm in school And I can't make it To the door
Try to understand That an oyster can only make a pearl From a grain of sand But from what I don't know comes a girl And I'm trying Not to laugh Feels like I'm dying When we break apart And you take back your heart And it aches in the dark But it makes a tiny spark
I've always been this way Never known any other way to feel Got the right of way And all of the others must yield But I'm naked And I'm in school And I can't make it To the door We were lying in the grass I was trying oh not to laugh I was drowning in the past
I've liked this tune since back when Amandasar Overmars got me hooked on it. Never seen Brendan Benson. Double B has never played the Burgh.
For what it's worth, and it ain't worth much, I've never seen Richard Marx in concert either. However, I did scalp the hell out of his Hara Arena, Dayton, Ohio show back in 1989.
Please do not share this material with Senator Rand Paul (R-KY). I'm hereby proposing a congressional amendment that... anytime a person references Rand Paul or Mitch McConnell, either be referred to as the honorable senator of "KY Jelly."
I was down by PNC Park yesterday afternoon and this dude handed me a freebie upper deck ticket to the game against the Cubs.
Beautiful weather for a matinee game. They used to call these games a "Gentleman's Special." But cancel culture has had enough with that woke bullshit. And I am by no means... a gentleman.
So I hustled back to my vehicle, stashed my backpack, and snagged a readimade Long Island Iced Tea drink for the walk back to the ballpark. Which incidentally, was really disgusting. Never, under any circumstances, purchase this product.
So this would be my first Pirates game since September 17, 2019 (fun in the age of Covid). Not to quote Nickleback or Staind or whoever the fuck. But let's just say "it's been awhile."
So I'm relishing this Long Island Iced Tea drink which tastes like sweet, pureed, outdated relish. And I'm sitting by my lonesome in the Residence Inn courtyard across from the home plate entrance when my buddy Roger walks by with his friend Eric. Roger had some minor email discrepancy and had to go to the ticket window. By the time we walk into the park it's the top of the 4th. We grabbed a few seats in the outfield.
Little did we know that we had just missed what's now being categorized as "the worst defensive play" in the history of Major League Baseball. Hysterical! In the previous inning, all first baseman Will Craig had to do... was tag the base or merely just stand in the way of Cubs Javy Baez and eventually get the force out. He could have stood there for days and held a doctoral dissertation about the awkward history of MLB errors during the past 35 years. Since the infamous Bill Buckner ball thru his legs moment. Which marked the World Series collapse of the 1986 Boston Red Sox. That moment is now officially number two.... as in dump.
So we hit the center outfield riverwalk and stop to take in the afternoon skyline. The Pirates score a solo home run and the ball lands about 25 feet from us. Then, less than a minute later, another solo home run drops about 50 feet from us. At this point, I'm totally convinced that Pirates owner Bob Nutting is trying to kill me via blunt force baseball to the head trauma. One hell of a coincidence. Because if you go back in time, say four years, well you could make the argument that I started it.
Buccos What The Fuck sonofsaf
Well, baby got back goods, like Heather Stollar Works for Nutting and the almighty dollar Maybe our team’s too white Never seem to get it right PNC Park should Field a winner All of the players on a red blood thinner ‘Cause we all prayin’ on our hands and knees Every time you turn on the tv
Buccos, what the fuck? These Pirates suck Reminds me of an orange clown Bargain players in a major town Mark Madden the show’s on his phone Tweetin’ twitter alone It’s called the Bucco Roundup Buccos what the fuck
Yinzer fans, they is hittin’ up the crack Losers all the while Pops is never comin’ back Hey, maybe who’s to blame Bob a little Nutting is the one to shame Oliver Onion Pizza Penny Sauerkraut Saul Once was a party Never known to pick a fight Whoever they play is outta site
Buccos, what the fuck? These Pirates suck Reminds me of an orange clown Bargain players in a major town Mark Madden the show’s on his phone Tweetin’ twitter alone It’s called the Bucco Roundup Buccos what the fuck
Buccos, what the fuck? These Pirates suck Reminds me of an orange clown Bargain players in a major town Mark Madden the show’s on his phone Tweetin’ twitter alone It’s called the Bucco Roundup Buccos what the fuck
Buccos what the fuck Buccos what the fuck Buccos what the fuck
Hillbilly Deluxe Brooks and Dunn
Well, up in the backwoods, down in the holler Old boy feeling like a dog on a collar Keepin' that chain hold tight Waiting on Saturday night Put on the smell good Put on Skynyrd Head into town like a Nascar winner Cruisin' back and forth to the Tasty Freeze Everywhere you look all you see is
Hillbilly deluxe, slick pick up trucks Big timing in a small town Stirrin' it up right about sundown Black denim and chrome to the bone With a little homegrown Country girl cuddled up Hillbilly deluxe
Couple kids, sweet thing driving a fast back Shoot 'em a coon smile Hoping that they smile back Hey, baby, what's your name? Burn a little rubber when the red light change Here come the blue light Here come Barney Hide all the beer y'all Let's move the party Gotta go but that's alright Do it all again next Friday night
Hillbilly deluxe, slick pick up trucks Big timing in a small town Stirrin' it up right about sundown Black denim and chrome to the bone With a little homegrown Country girl cuddled up Hillbilly deluxe
Hillbilly deluxe, slick pick up trucks Big timing in a small town Stirrin' it up right about sundown Black denim and chrome to the bone With a little homegrown Country girl cuddled up Hillbilly deluxe
